[Sandra88]

I hope i'm understood...

About 4 months ago, i got what i always wanted... a dog. Not just a dog but a loyal companion, a non-human being i could always rely on. but sometimes a part of me doubts whether i made the right choice on finally getting a dog... it's not that i don't love her or want her around anymore, her troublemaking personality is what makes me think that maybe i wasn't ready for her. I feel that ever since i got her, i have no time for myself. i don't go out as much because i don't want to leave her alone at home, i don't do a lot of the things i used to do because i just can't cope with the thought of her ever being left alone. I'm close to turning 20 and my life consists of going to college and finding a job. i live in a household of 5 with my two younger brothers and my parents. and even though i'm not the only one in the house. all the responsibility of the dog is on me. and i'm okay with that because I wanted her, so therefore i'm the one responsible for her. but sometimes i just can't handle so much. sometimes i wished i would have waited until i had my own place and settled down to finally have a precious little doggie walking around, and other times i just couldn't picture my life without her, sometimes i feel like such a bad person for feeling the way i'm feeling. I want a job but a part of me feels that if i get a job, the ones in charge for looking after the dog will be my parents or my siblings and i can't bare the thought of that. I don't want them to take on the responsibility of taking care of my dog. the way i feel has to do with some issues that i didn't expect of my puppy. Minnie is a bit feisty, she barks at every dog she sees, she's extremely loud at parks, and a bit too jumpy for comfort, she doesn't come on command, she pulls on the leash, she sees any dog and she goes crazzzyyy, she's run away a few times but luckily we've been able to catch up to her, but i'm pretty sure that the way she acts has to do with the way i've trained her to be. I blame her behavioral issues on me, for not being able to train her well. for not being able to teach her what's right.
I just sometimes feel that maybe if i would train her better all these feelings will just go away, and i would finally have the dog i've always longed for.
I don't trust anyone taking care of my dog but me and i feel this is interfering with my life as well.
Sometimes i wished that the way she's behaving is just a puppy thing, she is just 5 months (almost 6) but i'm a bit more realistic, i know she needs training.
I just hope that one day i can have enough trust in minnie to not feel so bad about myself.
I just feel like the way she is, is my fault, and i'm the one to blame.