[keova1]

I really don't know how to feel right now. I just lost my little girl unexpectedly and I wasn't even there to say goodbye or anything.

I am currently going through a breakup and in the process of moving back home with my parents in Virginia from Atlanta. I took my fur-babies Hayden, Lucy and Chloe (their daughter) to stay with my mother while I pack and get everything ready. Chloe is only 1 year and 3 months old and is only 3lbs. She came from a litter of 5 which were expected not to make it as they were only 2 to 4 oz and their mother was unable to feed them due to eclampsia but my mother and I bottle fed them all and they all survived and turned out to be healthy little babies! I placed all of them but my Chloe with close friends as I couldn't bare the thought of selling my little miracles. Chloe was so special to me and I just can't fathom her being gone. Especially when I don't know what happened and wasn't there to hold her and say a final goodbye.

My mother called me Sunday morning saying that Chloe woke them screaming and was limp and couldn't stand. They immediately called all vets around but all were closed as it was Sunday. Soon after, I get a call back saying that she didn't make it. They performed CPR with no success. I was in shock and hung up the phone as I couldn't even process her being gone. I don't understand how this could happen!

I feel as if Chloe was wondering where I was in her time of need. Why wasn't my daddy here to help me? Why am I hurting? What is happening? I can't deal with thinking that she may have thought those things. I will never forgive myself for not being there though I couldn't have known that this would happen.

I have called my vet to arrange a necropsy but I was informed that I would not get her back if I chose to do so. I want to have her cremated so that she will always be with me but I also want to know what caused her to suddenly perish.

I am so torn. I am sorry to babble but I just don't know what to feel or do.