[Deadbug]

...Instead of buying one.

Home repairs are never something I look forward to, but always seem to crop up at the most inconvenient times. Holiday weekends being one of them. God knows I have enough to do today. I didn't feel like fixing anything today.

My house was built in 1974 and, for the most part, looked like it when I bought it 2 years ago. DH and I have only been married since January, so essentially, I bought the house before we became a "we". I'm still not so sure we're a "we" but I digress...

This is my 7th home that I've bought, gutted, wanted to set on fire, put back together and eventually sold. Why I do this to myself is beyond me, but I do. This particular house was modeled in a lovely canary yellow and leprechaun green. Now I like earth tones as much as the next girl, but if I ever decided to actually own a canary, I would have never found it in here. I HAD to demolish it. And room by room, I've done just that. It's just in my blood (actually, more of a mixture of coffee with a touch of plasma). Seriously speaking, it's typical for me to walk into a room and decide I need to do something different. By the end of the day, that rooms contents are usually laying in the garage and demolition commences. So, he's pretty used to coming home and finding some level of construction going on. There's not a whole lot I can't and won't tackle without intervention. To me, the whole process is like crack.... an insane addiction that I keep feeding. Because of this, and all my experiences with various housey tasks, it's become an unwritten rule that if it breaks on the inside, it's my problem to fix (The swamp cooler being an unspoken exception), But if it breaks on the outside of the house (sprinkler system, drip lines, blah blah...landscaping crap) it's his deal. I've hired enough pros to do things with past houses and observed as they did it that I'm practically a pro myself now and DH knows this. From lighting and electrical to drywall and tiling, to basic plumbing, I'm pretty savvy with it all. And rarely do I ask for help. Until today. That was a mistake....

This is the week of toilets. First the toilet in the master bath keeps running and running. No problem. I trek to my handy dandy Home Depot (they know me by name now) and buy a new float valve. Problem solved and I can flush till the city reservoir runs dry. But then the toilet in the hall bathroom stops filling up. I, naturally assume it's another float valve. Back to Home Depot to buy another one, install it and the problem persists. Weird. That should have fixed it. But it's still not filling up. I moved the task to the back burner for a few days because well... I didn't think it was an urgent matter. It's not the only throne.

Now let me intercept with the fact that this particular toilet is new. One of those high efficiency, low water usage power flushing contraptions that you really don't want to be standing close to or it might suck your skin down with it. The gravitational pull of this thing rivals the ones on an airplane. The previous owners just had it installed a week before I bought the house, so I felt it was odd that something went wrong with it so soon. However, we do have exceptionally hard water (softener is on the list as soon as I find a place to stick it), so I felt it was possible that the circa 1974 shut off valve was calcified and needed to be replaced. Stranger things have happened, right?

Back to the toilet. I grab my tool bag and head upstairs, assess the situation after hearing the numerous complaints from various family members. I know it's been down for a few days but there's 3 other toilets in the house to use. What's so damn special about that one? I get there to discover that my genius sons, whom I affectionately refer to as Pete and Repeat, decided that despite the fact the toilet won't flush, they're going to pee in it anyway. Nice. I guess the idea of walking down a simple 13 steps was too much for them to handle. So yeah. I have 2 day old pee standing in the bowl. Lovely. Happy freaking Sunday to me! I'm going to add here that it was barely 9am when I started on this project. I take the wastecan and use it to fill the tank with water for a celebratory flush before disassembling. I turn off the water main in the basement, remove the hose line to the toilet and remove the shut off valve. Back to home depot we go for replacement parts.

Upon my return, I replace the shut off valve but discover that I had gotten the wrong size water line. Ok. I'm pretty familiar with the rule that it takes 3 trips to Home Depot before the problem is fixed. I figured this would mark my final one. I tell DH, "Don't touch anything until I get back."

I shouldn't have said that.

I walk in to a weird sound. I mean, it was a familiar sound but one that never produced good results. I couldn't help but to notice my hardwood floors in my dining room were wet and my DH standing in the kitchen with a slightly guilty look on his face.

"Did you turn the water main on?" I asked.
"I think so," He says.
"Oh. Ummm why?" I asked.
"I needed water to cook my lunch with." he says
"You were in danger of starving to death in 20 minutes?"
"Well I didn't know when you'd be back and I turned the water off at the shut off valve in the bathroom." He said.
"Are you sure?" I asked
"Yes he said. I'm positive. Why?"
"Well because there's water dripping from the ceiling in the dining room.Lots of it, in fact."

Turns out he instead of turning the shut off valve to "off" he turned it all the way "on".

Remember.... righty tighty, lefty loosey.

I'm going back to bed. That is, as soon as I finish steaming the dog pee out of my mattress....