Steve,
I thought your post showed a lot of kindness and care. Sounds like the "problem" had far more to do with the one who sent you the PM, and their projection onto others. My opinion is that we all have to do what we think is right...and then what others may think is of little importance. You seem like a wonderful, generous, and kind-hearted person to me, FWIW.
I am also so very sorry about Carlo. He was such fun to read about, and your devotion to him was inspirational and heart warming. My thoughts are with you.