TO: GOD
FROM: THE DOG
Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers,
but seldom, if ever, smell one another?
Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit
on your couch? Or is it still the same old story?
Dear God: Why are there cars named after the
jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the
stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for
a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding
around? We do love a nice ride! Would it be so
hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the
" Chrysler Beagle"?
Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest
and no human hears him, is he still a bad dog?
Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers,
beepers, scent ID's, electromagnetic energy fields,
and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there
are, will I have to apologize?
Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of
the things I must remember to be a good dog:
1. I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or
after they throw it up.
2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.,
just because I like the way they smell.
3 I will not munch on "leftovers" in the kitty litter box,
although they are tasty.
4. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
5. The sofa is not a 'face towel'. Neither are Mom
and Dad's laps.
6. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
7. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
8. I will not bite the officer' s hand when he reaches
in for Mom's driver's license and registration.
9. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear
when he's on the toilet.
10. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of saying "hello".
11. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when
I'm under the coffee table.
12. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before
entering the house - not after.
13. I will not throw up in the car.
14. I will not come in from outside and immediately
drag my butt.
15. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and
lick my crotch when we have company.
16. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with
him and he makes that noise, it's usually not a good
thing.
And, finally, My last two questions . . .
Dear God: Why do humans only have 10 Commandments
and dogs have 16?
P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my
testicles back?
Chelsea'sMOM