I think we may have a little
in our midst.
But if the OP is truly serious, I volunteer to come and use your training methods on you. I wouldn't mind smacking someone around with a rolled magazine (firm enough to get their attention but not hard enough to hurt them, mind you- ok, if it hurts a bit, I won't mind). I've got a little bit of pent up energy that I could vent through some yelling, too. Blah blah, blah blah blah blah... How does that work for you?
Physical punishment of a dog is limited to those who aren't smart enough to figure out any other way of training.
***Sits idly by waiting for the polite police to come write me another ticket**