I'm really stressing out. We thought we had this all planned and it's all falling apart. I was going to quit my job and stay home literally all the time with my son and not work at all. Mike was going to make about 45K before bonus checks working in the KC area nearby and life would be good. Then one day it all got ripped apart when he got a transfer to a store over an hour away in another town and we found out he doesn't make quite as much as we had thought and realized also that not only does he not make more but add on gas and the fact that he'll take on two people on his insurance and he'll barely make enough to cover the mortgage on one of those paychecks a month. The other monthly paycheck will barely cover the cost of other bills and a few groceries to survive on. Throw in baby expenses and we're going to be barely scraping by. I know it's stupid to complain about money when we are at least able to work and have some, but I hate constantly working paycheck to paycheck and never getting anywhere. Our roof is in desperate need of repair BEFORE it starts to leak, we drive old crappy 99' cars with bad gas mileage and horrible luck with breaking down lots. And though our house is beautiful it's expensive and it's all we can do to pay the bills sometimes. I know when we stop eating out and going out we'll save a bit there, but what we save we loose in insurance premiums for a family. This whole thing is starting to suck and he's starting to pressure into working at least part time outside the home which is putting a strain on my joy over being home with my son not to mention what's the point of working a part time job that literally just barely covers the cost of the babysitter I would have to have because his schedule is so darn all over the place that I can't work set hours because they will always at some point conflict with his hours and we'll need a sitter. I'm in a town where I don't know anyone and don't trust anyone to watch our son, and if I did the cost would be more than the 8 bucks an hour I'd be making.
I'm in a nightmare and I can't stop it. Baby is coming nothing we can do about that now, not that we'd want to. We have mouths to feed, diapers to buy, and things to pay for and now guess what DH wants to buy a car!! WTF is he thinking. we cannot afford to add a 200 or more car payment to this already VERY tight budget we're going down to. He's nuts and not thinking he keeps saying it'll save in gas, but the small amount it might save us in gas it'll kill us in car payments. He doesn't THINK about that and he's horrible with budgeting and seeing the whole picture. He doesn't have a clue what kids will cost and how hard they are to raise. This is going to be super horrible and I have a feeling I'll end up with a child raised by daycare workers who don't give a shiz about him and I'll be a miserable working mother trying to make a living just to pay for childcare and missing everything I treasured most about staying home with my son.
VENT OVER....just need hugs and love. WHEW