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Originally Posted by Wylie's Mom  I respect your opinions.
However, I don't agree that there is a right way to hit a child. In my world, that statement couldn't exist. Just as, there is no right way to hit a dog. Hitting, popping, swatting - whatever anyone wants to call it - it's an inappropriate physical act that you're passing on to others. And that 'other' internalizes being hit, and it is something buried deep in their psyche - and may cause problems now, and later in life.
Also, you're saying find "what works" -- well, a hit may "work" for the PARENT in stopping a behavior. However, those hittings may NOT be working for that child's inner esteem - and that child has NO way of knowing this or expressing that intellectually, at this age. As a result, *that* will effect him greatly as he develops intellectually, later.
There is no way to justify hitting a child. To have such a larger physicality over a small child, and then to use that advantage to hit, and instill fear and obedience? To me, that's victimization, not parenting.
A child should never have to fear being hit, from their PARENTS. Parents are supposed to be a child's ultimate safe haven. Fear of being hit is not a safe haven. |
I think a little fear of parent is good. I don't mean in that there is a fear of being harmed.. but fear that if the right thing is not done there is a price to pay. I have a little "fear" of my boss-- fear of having to be called down for a meeting. It makes me be on time to work, and to be follow the rules. Why don't we speed when driving? Fear of a ticket-- otherwise I would speed for sure.
I am sure my girls got home by curfew because they knew what would happen if they didn't (grounding) and they were just a little afraid of what I would do... not that I would hit them or hurt them. Embarrassing is a great tool with teens
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Originally Posted by My lil friend I respect your opinion and you have put it vey nicely.
When I said find what works I was stating for each child,that is why I took the time to put what worked for each of mine. I was not stating for this second. Each child is different,even if they life under the same roof.
My children have NEVER feared me,nor have they feared what my reaction would be to their foolishness. The attitude of "Mom is going to absolutely go off the deep end" is not here as well. Because I came from a home where screaming,slapping and ingeneral out of control was the norm. I have made it my goal in life to make sure that wasn't what went on under my roof,because this is NOT parenting. This is just existing under the same roof,it is not creating a family unit.
So again, I try to not criticize if there is actual parenting going on. Discipline in any form that is out of control (even timeout can be out of control) is not discipline but abuse. Sitting a child in a chair for EVERYTHING and for to long is still not discipline. |
I agree with a lot you are saying. If you broke the "chain" of "abuse" by raising you children differently I am so proud of you.
Hitting -- yelling-- hurting in anyform is not discipline it is punishment!!!!
I agree.. even timeout can be abusive if too long and for too many reasons