I think that EACH form of discipline has a use and time. As a parent we have to TAKE THE TIME to figure out what works with each child for each situation. I was the kid you could beat black and blue and it didn't work. If I did something wrong,even at an early age, I had already decided that it was worth the punishment. There are children that you can literally touch on the arm and have their attention or just look at them or tell them that you are disapointed in their actions (this from my dad would take me to the floor). There is NO one right or wrong way,other than yelling and beating out of control (because then you are just having a tantrum). What works for my family does not make it right for everyone or wrong for everyone.
So if I have spanked a child,you can bet I put a ton of thought into it. I have one child that could recieve 2 pops indiscipline at a young age and not see any disobedience out of him for MONTHS (he is an Eagle Scout and one of my most loving children,no he doesn't go around hitting others and never did) because I took the time to explain that there was a difference in a pop for discipline and hitting out of anger. However I have one child that spanking would never of worked on him,alone time with no legos. I have another that even at the age of 1 I had to stop and explain WHY what they were doing was not ok,mostly because she didn't see me doing it. She is my most artistic and deep thinking child,nolonger a child but a very honorable young lady. The next one ,,, honestly I cannt remember having to discipline her for anything. She is still the kindest of all of my children. The next one you took legos and then halo away from him. He has been the tuffest to stay connected with. He spent the last 4 yrs thinking that I was an idiot but so was everyone else. However he just wanted to be independent and a grown up before his time. Now that he is entering adulthood I see promise and the things that he has been taught all of his life floating to the top. The next is our youngest. She is like her oldest sister,artistic,her own person in almost everything. She always thought it fun to disappear in a store or in church. I would have to walk the iles to find her (thank goodness it was a tiny church,we didnt have nursery during the service and she would of escaped anyway) and she was usually sitting with the singles. They always returned her at the end of the service. Now that she is a teen,she just wants to be loved and approved of. Thinks that most people her age are idiots and that her parents are the coolest people on the planet,I am truely enjoying this season. It could change tomarrow.
I have been a stay at home mom for 25 years (it is a privilage and an honor). I mentor other younger mothers in nursing,discipline and in general surviving and enjoying your children. What I tell them is that,it takes 9month to make a baby and almost as much of your emotional and physical time for no less than the next 25 years,Im still walking down that road.
So spanking yes? or no?,there is a right way and a wrong way and if you personally can not have self control,DONT use it. If you have a problem with it DONT use it and dont criticize those that do. Timeout yes? or no? it works for some and is a waste of time for others. If it works use it ,if not then dont use it and dont criticize those that do. Dont acost others for their parenting,unless they arent actually parenting. If a parent is TRYING then support them by telling them they are doing a good job,even stangers need to hear this. If they arent doing anything I have to remove myself or I will say something,hence the reason I try to stay out of Walmart.
My parenting soapbox is pretty tall,but it consists of people NOT parenting. I see people getting all of the cute THINGS to go with the baby,cute clothes. But then that little darling begins to develope a personality and becomes WORK,so parents stop working at it because it is just to much trouble (Im busy,Im tired). What they dont realize is that not taking the little problem in hand today,right now,it tends to grow into something BIG later. Kind of like weeds in your yard,only you cannt use week killer and you cannt pull the weed up,because the roots go way to deep. I see this in our society and it breaks my heart. Children do not just grow up to be good and useful people in society. They are molded and formed a little everyday.
Sorry more than just two cents worth. |