[lisaly]

A year ago today I lost my little girl, Ashley. Although time slightly dulls the pain, I am always going to miss my baby. For a number of years, I’ve equated my three girls with the story of the rose and the Little Prince from the parable by Antoine de St. Exupery, The Little Prince. Roses have always had a special significance to me, and they will continue to do so. The driving force behind this novella is the love that a little prince from a faraway planet has for his rose. The prince left his planet and came to earth where he met a pilot, fox, and a snake. I was teaching The Little Prince to my high school English class, and the story I had always loved grew even more meaningful to me. I had just lost Kiwi unexpectantly, and I began to cling even closer to Gracie and Ashley. The Little Prince believed his rose was the only one in existence. When he comes to Earth and discovers a rose garden, he becomes very saddened. It is his encounter with a fox in the Sahara Desert that he discovers an important secret and lesson. After the fox asks the Little Prince to tame him, he explains that investing oneself in someone you love makes your loved one even more special. The fox teaches the Little Prince the meaning of friendship and love. He explains that the Little Prince’s rose is truly special and unique in the entire world because of the time he has spent caring for and loving his rose. The prince realizes how fragile his rose is, and he worries about her safety. He discovers that he must return to his planet to be with his rose because she needs him. The pilot that he has met in the desert has grown to love the Little Prince, and it causes him great pain when his friend must leave. Yet one quote that the Little Prince has shared with him helps to ease the pilot’s pain:

“In one of those stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars will be laughing when you look at the sky at night. You, only you, will have stars that can laugh! And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me... You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure... It will be as if, in place of the stars, I had given you a great number of little bells that knew how to laugh"

After analyzing this beautiful novella with my “kids” and discussing the meaning of love and friendship, I told them about the story of my little girls. I couldn’t talk about it with them when I lost Kiwi, but I revealed my feelings to them then. I told them how I was pouring my heart completely into loving Ashley and Gracie and how each day grew even more special with them. Gracie had a collapsing trachea all of her life, and I knew each day was precious with her. We lost her just four months after Kiwi, and Ashley was our only little one. Ashley was such a beautiful and loving little rose. Although she was diagnosed with an enlarged heart at the age of ten, she stayed strong for us for almost seven more years. Her heart wasn’t only huge in size. Even when she had dementia the last year of her life, she understood about love. She remained so loving and responsive with us, and she even remembered her favorite fifteen year old neighborhood boy that she had known since he was five. She made our days so special, and we spent our days devoted to caring for our little girl. Ashley was our world, our heart, our life.


You and your sisters changed me, Ashley. You were a most precious rose, and I completely adore you. I already understood about the importance of love, but you loved me so unconditionally, and you opened up my heart even more. No matter how I was feeling any day, I saw you and my heart melted. You could alleviate any stress that I was facing. Thoughts of you will always make my heart smile. I will never stop loving or missing you. You were such a sweet little girl, my little social butterfly and love bug. You helped me innumerable times when I was feeling sad. You eased my grief over Jolie and my deep sadness when I lost your baby sisters, Kiwi and Gracie. Thank you for being such a great companion for your Daddy for almost seventeen years, for opening up his heart, and helping his body to heal when he was sick. He would have risked anything for you, and there is nothing he wouldn’t have done for you. Like the pilot, I look up at the sky and see the stars. I think of you and can feel your exuberance and your love. You lit up my life and my heart, and you will always continue to do so. Summer is coming, our most special time together, and you will not be there to share it with me. Yet memories and love are truly powerful, and I will always equate my summers with you.

Run free with your sisters and know that we will always treasure you and your sisters. We will always love and miss you, and you will always be our beautiful, precious little rose. You made our house a home, our hearts so filled with love, and our lives so filled with laughter and happiness. You will forever be a part of us.