The Differences Between Men And Women
NICKNAMES:
If Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle go out for lunch, they will
call each other
Gloria, Suzanne, Debra and Michelle.
But if Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack go out for a brewsky, they will
affectionately refer
to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.
DINING OUT:
And when the check comes, Mike, Phil, Rob and Jack will each throw
in $20 bills,
even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything
smaller, and
none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their check, out come the pocket calculators.
BATHROOMS:
A man has six items in his bathroom -- a toothbrush, shaving cream,
razor, a bar of
Dial soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 437.
A man would
not be able to identify most of these items.
GROCERIES:
A woman makes a list of things she needs and then goes out to the
store and buys
these things.
A man waits till the only items left in his fridge are half a lime
and a soda. Then he
goes grocery shopping. He buys everything that looks good. By the
time a man reaches
the checkout counter, his cart is packed tighter than the Clampett's
car on Beverly
Hillbillies. Of course, this will not stop him from going to the 10-
items-or-less lane.
SHOES:
When preparing for work, a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit, then
slip on Reebok
sneakers. She will carry her dress shoes in a plastic bag from Saks.
When a woman
gets to work, she will put on her dress shoes. Five minutes later,
she will kick them
off because her feet are under the desk.
A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.
CATS:
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick
cats.
DRESSING UP:
A woman will dress up to: Go shopping, water the plants, empty the
garbage, answer
the phone, read a book, get the mail.
A man will dress up for: weddings, funerals.
LAUNDRY:
Women do laundry every couple of days.
A man will wear every article of clothing he owns, including his
surgical pants that were
hip about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry. When he is
finally out of clothes,
he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out, rent a U-Haul and take
his mountain of clothes
to the Laundromat. Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the
Laundromat.
This is a myth perpetuated by re-runs of old episodes of "Love,
American Style."
OFFSPRING:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments
and soccer games and romances and best friends and favorite foods
and secret fears and
hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
