thank u guys. this truly made me feel better. i only regret having to post a redundant thread bc i neglected to leave the key element that may have been what was prompting ppl to say i have to be there, neglecting to say, i'm a 22 yo boy who's NEVER had a pet before. i didn't get rufus until i was 14, i was just a kid. he won't be alone. i know i'll say goodbye before he goes and i'll go in after to get closure, i just am not sure, as my first pet, who i owe my entire maturity and life to, having that be my last image. the guilt of not being there is something i can eventually find peace and forgive myself for even tho i shouldn't feel guilty and it shouldn't be a factor, what i can't promise myself is if that image of him dying will NOT stick with me forever and haunt me and that frightens me more. he knows how much i love him. i cry so often and everytime, its even become a game, i'll pretend to start crying, and there comes rufus, he can be passed out, gets up and comes right to my face to tell me how much he loves me. i turned to god last week and i just didnt know when was the right time to let him go and i just said please god, help me, give me a sign, i told rufus to please let me know and the very next night he was in my parents room as they got ready for bed and he jumped off, cried at the door to get out and my dad took him down to see if he was hungry, but he came right over to me at the couch, cried for me to pick him up and proceeded to kiss me |