I'm not for spanking, hitting, whatever you want to call it in any way. I used to think I was for it... but I've changed my opinions. I just think love, patience, guidance, respect, etc, go a long ways more than spanking, yelling, etc. I would rather have a parent be a friend AND a parent, than being scared of them...
My parents were really open with me throughout everything in life. My mom has always told me a lot (sometimes maybe too much, lol) but I have a great relationship with both mom and dad, now divorced. They gave me options, and always listened to what I had to say whether it was ridiculous or not, they weren't very strict, and yes sometimes I was spoiled but I was never a spoiled brat. I'd say I turned out pretty good
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Originally Posted by Jinger  So many thoughts come to mind. A few important points I always followed (I have one 19-year-old daughter in college and one 17-year old son headed to college next year):
I try not to say "no" unless I have to, and then I don't reverse my decision (unless they are older and I've had a reasonable conversation...just like I would with an adult). When I say "no" my kids know it's important, and that I don't just say "no" without thinking about it.
I try to treat children with the respect I want them to show me.
Love them too much to argue with them...state the rule or decision and then tell them just that.
Always preserve the relationship.
I try to remember that discipline and punishment are two different things. Discipline is a great thing. Hitting, of any type, is not--in my opinion.
Also, I try to let "natural consequences" occur instead of punishment.
And Love, Love, Love them, unconditionally and with enthusiasm!  |
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Originally Posted by julietravels Oh boy, have you hit a nerve with me. I have 2 terrific adults, one is 30 and the other is 27. The best thing that ever happened was my attending a seminar called the 10 points of discipline when my oldest was in preschool. I thought it would be all about spanking etc. It wasn't, it was about how not to have to discipline your kids. I am so thankful that I listened and learned. The most important point was, once you say no, never change your mind. You can think about it before you commit, but never ever say yes, once you have said no. I have so many times heard kids argue with their parents and on the 5th time, the parent gives in. My kids never argued because they knew there was no point. Every child has something that is important to them, whether it is TV, computer or cell phone. You don't need to hit. If they go against the rules, take the important thing away. If you have to take everything away and leave them nothing but a mattress in their room, do it. Would you rather be the parent of a child that is socially successful or the friend of a drug addict or teenager who is pregnant? Set rules and your kids will follow them if you enforce them the first time, not the third. Set high expectation and they will meet them if you are there to help them succeed. I love my kids dearly and made them the most important thing in my life. |
