I went through this with my Dad for 5 years after my Mother passed. He was ok until about 10 months after her death. Then he had gotten cancer and with his age at the time 88, plus some signs of dementia, I think the chemo and radiation sped things up astronomically and he very quickly went into dementia. I could only keep him home for about a year. Then he had some small strokes could not get in or out of his wheelchair and I could not lift him. I could not keep up with his 24/7 required care as he would wake several times during the night in confusion and call for me.
Finally I relented and found a fairly good extended care home not far from our home. But I was there several times a week. Once the staff and the home realized I could turn up anytime, they were pretty good with his care but I also never hesistated to give them a boot up the butt if they were not taking care of him. He got sponge baths only with a proper bath once a week. That I could not change as they did not have the staff to do residents any oftener.
It is a horrendous experience for both Dad and I. My brother did not help at all nor did he or his wife have any understanding of what I was going through. That hurt a lot. I was on my own. Well, until he died and the house was going to be sold and money was involved. Then the relatives showed up some of whom I never knew I had. LOL.
So be careful. As the primary caregiver,oing through this will make you vulnerable can bring on depression and other medical issues to yourself just from the stress and sometimes utter feelings of helplessness.
The first meeting I had with home after Dad was admitted there was me, a physiotherapist, a caregiver, nurse, manager of the facility, psychologist. The manager said look around you at the 5 of us. You have been doing our job looking after your dad at hom.
That was an eye opener.
The aftermath after his death was that it took about 3 or 4 years for me to recover, physically and emotionally.
Make sure you take care of yourselves in the process. |