[lisaly]

I'm doing a little reading that’s not work related, and some or it is related to loss. I purchased the book Rescuing Sprite: A Dog Lover’s Story of Joy and Anguish over a year and a half ago, since it was so highly recommended. At the time, Ashley was still alive, and although she was still active, she was almost seventeen and had been suffering from confusion due to dementia. I wasn’t expecting to or prepared to lose her, but I knew the time would come one day, I’m hoping it will be therapeutic, but I know it’s going to hurt a lot to read.

I read some stories in the loss section of Chicken Soup For The Soul: What I Learned From The Dog. Each story ripped apart my heart, but yet my heart was also warmed by reading the stories. I found a few quotes in the book that you might identify with. I hope they don’t cause you any more pain. I don’t want to torture myself, but I also don’t want to deny the feelings that I have because the love is so powerful and I need to keep it alive in my heart. I don’t see any problem there, though. From losing my beautiful little angels, the feelings that I have are so deep in my heart and the love is so overflowing and strong. I know it will remain with me as long as I am alive.

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight.” Kahlil Gibran

Pleasure is the flower that passes, remembrance the lasting perfume. Jean de Boufflers

There are things that we don’t want to happen but have to accept,
things we don’t want to know but have to learn,
and those we can’t live without but have to let go. Author Unknown

To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.” Clyde Campbell

“Maybe part of loving is learning to let go.” From the TV show The Wonder Years

The book that I’ve read that most reminds me of my little babies is Antoine de St. Exupery’s The Little Prince. It is a very short fable that I read in French when I was in high school. It has been translated to English on two different occasions and it is a very beautiful and powerful allegory which teaches about love, responsibility, and friendship. A little prince leaves his planet because he becomes exasperated with his rose. He believes she is unique in the entire world, but he has trouble coping with her being so vain and self-centered. In how own life, St. Exupery’s wife was who he was having the rose symbolize. He had a troubled relationship with his wife, but he loved her dearly, nonetheless. Although I love the story of the rose, I don’t identify with these parts of the story. I did deeply identify with the story of the rose when the little prince comes to earth and finds an entire field of roses. Thinking that his rose lied to him, the little prince was crushed when he came across this garden. The prince learns later that it is the time he has spent loving, protecting, and caring for his rose that makes her unique in the entire world. The other roses looked like his rose, but he hadn’t developed that bond with the other roses, so they didn’t have the same meaning for him. I was reading this book with my high school English students, and I was so deeply moved, even more than I had in the past, because I had lost Kiwi and soon after that Gracie during the time. When I read it again, I also think of trying to hold on tight with Ashley, giving her 24 hour care, always devoted to show her how much we loved her and to make her feel safe. It’s amazing that, even with her dementia, she was responsive with us, and she knew we loved her and she loved us, too. There are some more beautiful stories in the book: the taming of the fox and when the pilot and the little prince have to say goodbye because he has to return to his rose. There’s so much to this short little “Children’s book” which is also read and studied at the university level. If you ever have a couple of hours to spare, I’d suggest you read it. It’s not a dog story, but still it’s a story of love and friendship. It is the most widely read book in the world, with the exception of the bible. My niece recently bought me a beautiful pop-up version of the book, which makes the story come alive even more.

I wish I could do anything to ease your pain. Please know that I care and understand how you feel. If you ever want to talk, just let me know. I can tell by your posts just how special you are, and your new little boy is very lucky to have you as his mommy. I really hope he brings you lots of love, joy, and laughter.