[deeda9999]

I'm losing my mind already!!! But I'm losing it differently than I was on days 90,89,88 , 87 and today- day 86.

Gilmore's LP surgery is just so tough on all of us.

Day 90- he came home and I couldn't stop crying. I cried for a zillion reasons. Because he made it through surgery, because we are so lucky that there is a surgery to make him better, because I missed him so much when he was in the hospital, because I was so afraid he was in pain and I was going to hurt him when I touched him, because I felt helpless to help him, because I felt sorry for myself and sorry for what he has to go through to get better. Because I didn't realize how loud the quiet was with him missing.

Day 89-he's crying a lot and it's so difficult to know what to do. I don't know if he's crying because he has to go potty or he is crying because he wants out. Is he crying because he hates this e collar and can't move in the crate. I have to keep in in the small crate because in the bigger one he is able to stand up on his hind legs which is bad. He is allowed to walk to go potty and amazing enough he is walking on his leg. He is stiff and limps a lot when he starts but he is doing so much better using the leg than I had thought. He shakes so much outside it makes me feel horrible. I so wish now more than ever he would use wee wee pads. My other dog uses them but Gilmore refused. The weather is getting colder here and having him outside in the pouring rain like today to go potty is just miserable. And it is definitely taking longer for him to find a comfortable position to potty in. I keep trying to get him to go on the pad but he just won't. I keep wondering If I should go and buy one of those potty patches but it would probably be a waste of time. I just hate to see him cold and uncomfortable.

Day 88-he was eating very little and totally wouldn't drink. As if I wasn't nervous enough- now I was stressed about him dehydrating. I called the hospital and the doctor told me to stop his antibiotic and anti-inflammatory for 2 days until he started eating again because they were probably the cause of making him feel sick. He didn't go home on any pain meds. We decided that I would bring him back the next day if he wasn't drinking. As I drove home from dropping my daughter off at dance my mind was going crazy worrying and I knew I wasn't going to last till the next day to bring him back to the hospital. I would be a total wreck. But he was a different dog when I fed him dinner. He ate a ton and drank so much water. It was amazing the difference. He even ate his joint supplement pill without anything on it to hide it. He wouldn't touch it the previous days. I don't know what will happen when I resume giving them to him but for right now I am thrilled.

Day 87-when I took him to the vet last week when his knee popped out and she told me to crate rest him for 10 days I thought I thought to myself- You've got to me kidding me, No way are we going to last 10 days. That's pretty funny now considering his recovery crate rest and total restricted activity of 90 days. Yes I know it's not a lifetime and I know we are fortunate it isn't worse and it's been corrected. I do know how lucky I am . I tell this to my daughter all the time and yet it's a hard pill to swallow for myself. I tell her don't complain about your hair because there are kids that lose their hair and would be so happy to have hair to complain about. I tell her that yes she has severe asthma and takes a ton of medicine there are kids that have diabetes and take needles every day and learn to cope with their disabilities. I try so hard everyday as a parent to instill the right message to my daughter. To be thankful for all you have and not complain about what you don't have. And yet I am feeling so sorry for myself when I should be feeling so thankful for Gilmore and all the joy he has brought to my family.

Day 86- He is crying a lot this morning. I know he doesn't have to go potty because he just went. I think he wants out and I am feeling so torn. I feel bad so I take him out but then I have to sit with him and I get nothing accomplished. My house is a total wreck and my daughter has been eating pop tarts for breakfast (not that she minds this at all ). I know I will find a balance but for right now he is sitting on my lap with his leash tied around my wrist and for the moment I am enjoying each inch of his warm and cuddly body.