[lisaly]

Originally Posted by kjc

I'm sorry your are feeling the pain of having to leave little Jolie when the time comes...
May I suggest... take 4 pictures of her gravesite, one during each of the seasons, and put a bit of the dirt from the site in a baggie. Then, cut a few flowers when they bloom, and dry them, and snip a twig from the tree you planted in her memory. You could purchase an urn or one of those oak boxes from the vet and have it engraved with her name, and put these things in it, along with anything you may have kept, a favorite toy, a tooth, a lock of hair, a collar or charm. This at least would be something you can take with you.

I truly believe that a pup's spirit leaves the body immediately when the body ceases to function, and I believe their spirits stay with us and follow us wherever we go. They are always with us, it's just sad because we cannot see them any more. Not saying anything here, as I have my own collection of tiny boxes (and one large box). My intent was to bury the boxes, because this was there home while they were with me on this earth, but the ground here is not cooperating so I keep them in my bedroom.

And I am going to be brutally honest with you... your posts about your babies past totally undo me everytime I read one. I am sitting here once again trying to stay composed enough to convey my thoughts to you in the kindest and most gentle of ways... I am crying so much my own pups are getting worried about me... well here goes, and I am only going to say this once...

You and your Husband are such dear, sweet , good people, and you both have so much love for your precious babies, even now that they are gone. It upsets me to no end to hear the pain of your losses, the pain from having all this love and nowhere to put it. The constant ache in your hearts... it doesn't get better, and it won't. My heart breaks for you both. I know that you know your babies could sense when things were not 'right' with you. Do you think they would ever want you to feel like this on their passing? I don't know of any other way to say this, but you need, more than anyone I know or have ever known, you need to get another Yorkie to have in your lives. I know this may be hard to comprehend, but the cycle of love doesn't end... it only continues. And I am only speaking from experience, but the hurt cannot begin to heal until you can give that love you still hold so dear in your hearts to another Yorkie in need. The pain will not go away, because Love isn't made to be withheld, it is made to be given. The main excuse people give is they are not ready. Were any of us 'ready' to love a Yorkie? From all I have heard, no one ever expected to feel the intensity of the love that has grown in their hearts for their little ones. It is truly amazing. You both need to have this in your lives again, soon. If you are truly not ready... I will understand, but then please do it for me. Please get yourselves another little one to have in your lives. Know that my heart will bleed for you both until you do.

Love and Hugs Always,
Kathy

Kathy, I’m sorry I didn’t get right back to you after I read your beautiful words. I was so moved by them and they affected me a great deal. I will never be able to express to you what they mean to me. It took me a little while to be able to put my thoughts together and be able to write. I’m sorry that my posts upset you, but I can tell it’s because you have such a beautiful, sensitive heart. I am grateful for your honesty and what you have so eloquently expressed. They were written so lovingly and they have stirred a great deal of emotion in me. I’m basically a very quiet and shy person, and I’m never comfortable being the center of attention or talking about myself. I won’t deny that life is difficult without my little girl and that I still miss Ashley and her sisters a great deal. It hurts a great deal, but I also have a great deal in my life to be grateful for. There is much that I experience each day that keeps me smiling a lot, too. I love going to work each day, working with teenagers who are very special to me. I come home each day to a loving, devoted husband who I adore. Our home feels empty right now without our little girl, but it will become very lively again someday, hopefully in the not too distant future. I am unhappy right now without my baby, but it doesn’t stop me from being very optimistic and upbeat most of the time.

We open our hearts so completely to these precious pups, and it’s no wonder that the love for them seems to be always overflowing. There is such a warm feeling and so much joy whenever I think about my girls. There are always risks when you open your heart and love so completely. Do you do it anyway, knowing it also means having to cope with the sadness when you lose that person or animal you love so dearly? I’ve asked my high school students this question many times, usually as it relates to literature. It’s a discussion that I always find very meaningful. It is always worth that risk to me, for that love is everlasting, even in death. Because of that, we definitely will take that risk again with another pup. I agree with you about their spirits always being with us. We do have our little tins of our girls in our bedroom but I realize that they only contain their physical remains. I love your idea about a memorial for Jolie. Thank you so much for that and everything else that you have done to touch me so deeply.

You are right about getting another pup. We plan on getting two, probably not at the same time, as soon as we can properly care for a baby and give it the time and care it needs. We’ve never thought of it as being able to replace Ashley. We know that’s impossible and wouldn’t want it that way, anyway. Loving her so deeply and loving a new baby have nothing to do with one another. We couldn’t help but love another baby. Dogs love so unconditionally, and our babies have taught us all about that. Getting another pup won’t stop us from mourning our little girl, but I know it will bring us a lot of happiness. My husband still needs surgery on his arm, and although we were hoping it would be in the next few weeks, we might have to wait a little longer. Walking with the way his arm the way it is now is not safe. He took far too many risks trying to care for Ashley and it’s not a good idea for us to bring another little one home until his surgery is behind us. We never thought he’d have to wait so long for the arm to heal enough for him to be able to have surgery. It has been over seven months since his injury and five months without Ashley. If there was a way for us to bring another one into our lives now, we would surely do it. The only way I can leave each day to go to work is knowing that my husband is safely staying put; I wouldn’t be able to leave otherwise so we need to wait a little longer. All things worth it are worth waiting for, right?

You wrote so beautifully about the feelings of living without a Yorkie. Your words about John and I and our capacity to love moved me to tears. I know I’m not doing great, but I still don’t think I’m just living in the past. Our last year with Ashley’s dementia was devoted completely to caring for her, making her feel loved and secure. She kept me very active, and we walked a couple of miles a day on most days. Our lives and hearts centered on her. Every decision we made and everything we did was based on what would make her feel happy, loved, and safe. Even with CCD, she was loving and responsive with us, and she felt loved. We spent many sleepless nights and only left her home alone when absolutely necessary. I say all this because, when life was completely revolving around this little baby, living a life without her was a huge adjustment. A lot of people thought it might be a relief after she died, but they were wrong. We would have done anything to continue caring for her as long as she was happy. Considering the change and how we poured our hearts into Ashley so much her whole life but especially with her last year, I think it's just a difficult adjustment. I'm unusually hard on myself normally, but I think for once I'm giving myself a break and considering it normal to be feeling like this after what we've experienced. If you met me you wouldn't be able to tell about how I'm feeling inside. My students still talk about her (the ones I also had last year and the ones who still visit me this year), and it makes me happy. I mostly am a very happy, optimistic person.

Kathy, you have comforted me and helped me on numerous occasions and I can’t thank you enough. You took away a lot of the fears I had about Ashley’s last few minutes as she lapsed into a coma in my arms, and my mind is more at ease. You are such a kind soul, and I appreciate you. Thank you for caring so much. We will always love our girls, and that love inspires us to want to bring other Yorkies into our lives. Thanks for the push and for wanting me to be happy.

With Love,
Lisa