Thank you for feeling safe enough to share this here with us. My husband was like you with our other little girls when we lost them. He couldn't bear to look at a picture of them for at least a month, whereas I needed to look at their pictures and talk about them to get through the day. It was only with people who I knew would really understand, like my sisters or very close friends. The only thing that brought him comfort that he wanted to see was the memorial candle we burned for a week and having their ashes sitting on our dresser. This time, with Ashley, it's even more difficult for him, but he isn't trying to run away from it. He looking at some of the photos of other yorkies on Yorkie Talk, and we sleep with Ashley's blanket on our bed still. All of her toys are still around, and nothing has been put away except for her food and water bowls. We finally put her medicine away in an organizer, but we can't throw it away. I know some people might think that's crazy, but that's okay. We don't need her things around us for her presence to be around us, but for me she and her sisters are just as much of this house now as they were when they were alive. It's not denial, but just comforting for me to have them around. For a few years now, in my classroom at work, I have a little stuffed animal (I have many of that same toy at home) that was my girls' favorite toy. I told my students that it was a symbol, just as I have other things that I've saved that remind me of special times that I've shared with my kids at school. They were fascinated hearing stories about Ashley, and would ask almost daily about her. She passed away a few days before classes ended, and we were very busy studying for exams. I didn't tell them about it because it would have been too difficult for me. My close friend told her students, the ones that I had worked with the year or two before. I can't tell you how many students came by to sit and talk with me, to see how I was doing. The kind of work that I do, I am able to develop a close relationship with my students. They understood the loss it was for me, way more than many people could understand. Some went home and told their parents, and their parents called to tell me how much they cared. I think that some people will understand how much a dog touches our lives, and others will think they are "just dogs." Natasha, you are right that that bond can't ever be broken. You will always love your baby because love lasts forever. They always stay in our hearts and shape the kind of love we are able to give to others. I hope your beautiful little Poppy continues to bring you joy and helps to heal the pain you are feeling. There are a lot of people here who care, and I'm one of them.
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