[Princes mom]

As we progress thru the year 2010, I want to thank all of you for your
educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have
little chance of recovery.

I no longer open a bathroom door without using a paper towel, or have the
waitress put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the
bacteria on the lemon peel.

I can't use the remote in a hotel room because I don't know what the last
person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.

Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine
how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.

I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in
the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every
envelope that needs sealing.

ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown)
who is about to die for the 1,387,258th time.

I no longer have any money, but that will change once I receive the $15,000
that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their
special e-mail program.




I can't have a drink in a bar because I'll wake up in a bathtub full of ice
with my kidneys gone.

I can't use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water
buffalo on a hot day.

THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward
an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer buy gas without taking someone along to watch the car so a
serial killer doesn't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Fanta since the people who make these products
are atheists who refuse to put 'Under God' on their cans.

I no longer use Cling Wrap in the microwave because it causes seven
different types of cancer.

AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can't boil a cup of water in the microwave
anymore because it will blow up in my face. Disfiguring me for life.

I no longer go to the movies because I could be pricked with a needle
infected with AIDS when I sit down.




And I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a
number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,
Singapore , and Uzbekistan .

THANKS TO YOU I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big black snake
could be lurking under the seat and cause me instant death when it bites my
butt.


Oh, by the way.....

A German scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy study, has discovered
that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their
hand on the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

P. S.: I now keep my toothbrush in the living room, because I was told by
e-mail that water splashes over 6 ft. out of the toilet.