Originally Posted by nana911  If this is his 3rd time it means that you have already established the pattern in your marriage that he does what he wants, you find out, get hurt, cry, demand he stop, he makes obligatory promise, repeat. Obviously, he is not going to change, why should he? You have thus far proven that you will tolerate his behavior.
If there is a reason such as small kids, economic necessity, whatever, you need to sit down and understand why you are justifying the marriage. Also, bear in mind if you do have children what they witness in your marriage will leave a lasting impression on what they believe is acceptable in theirs.
You need to decide if all his other qualities truly outweigh this egregious breach of trust and the sanctity of your vows. Can you live with knowing that he will continue to do this the rest of your married lives together in order to keep whatever the other qualities he provides are, is it worth it? Is subjugating your feelings, pride and what is important to you worth the trade off? What are you getting to make up for it?
I've been married 3 times 18yrs, 18wks, and now 15yrs. What I have learned is that when you are married to the right person you don't look outside the marriage for fulfillment, sexual, friendship or anything else. You have friends and a social life, even with the opposite sex, but not the kind of intimate conversations that you can't repeat to your spouse. If you're married to the right person you shouldn't have any conversation, text, email, lunch, activity, experience..anything that you can't repeat verbatim, moment by moment to your spouse with no worries. Your spouse is your best friend. If there is anything you can't share with him/her then there is deceit and that is a problem.
You have a lot of soul searching and thinking to do. I've been in your shoes, those shoes hurt.
I'm sorry you're going through this. |