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Originally Posted by jenn1381  I'm so sorry. Alzheimer's is an awful disease.. it rips away souls. My family took care of my grandma until the end. I moved with my parents at 19 yrs old across the county (essentially) to help. It was the most difficult 7 yrs I have ever had and I hope to never have again - but I would not trade one single second of the time I had with her for anything in the world.
My advice for you is this:
Don't rush them as far as the moving in goes. This is typically a very slow disease, and it could be some time before that is necessary. She is going to want to retain as much of her independence as she can for as long as she can. It's important for her own well being to be allowed to do whatever she wishes as long as it's safe to do so. We stepped in once my grandma started forgetting to turn off the stove, etc.
LAUGH! Some of the things my grandma would say would just be downright hilarious. She stayed with us and one night as we were going to bed she says "Help yourself to anything you want in the fridge". I said "Thanks grandma, I planned on it - this is my house"! lol. I laugh about that all the time even now. Savor the funny stuff, even though the reason she's saying them is not at all funny.
Talk about it. As a caregiver, you're going to feel like there is no one out there who understands. It's so painful to watch that it's easy for caregivers to get depressed. I felt like Alzheimer's was like a slow moving cancer (ironically, cancer was what took her from us in the end). YOU'RE going to need support.
Be patient. You're going to have to dig down deep and find a LOT of patience. You're going to be repeating yourself a lot. There's good days and bad days... we had a lot of bad days.. but we tried as hard as we could to always answer her questions as if it was the first time she had asked. We're human and got frustrated sometimes... all you can do is do your best.
DO NOT let doctors tell you that any odd symptoms are part of the Alzheimer's. We thought for a year that her Alzheimer's was progressing (very fast) as that's what the doctor's kept telling us.. it's the disease. It was not, it was cancer that had run rampant because no one would do the necessary tests, they all just chalked it up to the Alzheimer's and moved on. This is typical of Canada's health care system, not sure where you live - but I still felt it was worth mentioning. Had we pushed for more tests instead of trusting her doctor's, she might still be with us today.
Feel free to PM me your email address if you ever need to talk. I've done a ton of research and know a lot about the disease... I also know what it feels like to watch it progress. I'd be happy to lend an ear when you need one.  |
I too have had two parents with Alzheimer's and dementia, I do feel for you, and also agree with the above poster.
But I do think the earlier the move on your parent's part the better for all concerned. Not like next week but within 6mths to a year. Is there a way to approach it with Mom and Dad that would emphasize how much they would be helping you out? That can work.. ie we both benefit from this arrangement. I say this, because with Alzheimer's stubborness is oft a part of this disease. And while it is true your Mom and Dad want to retain independence , if you have a separate place on your property for their residence they can still maintain that independence.
Sometimes Alzheimer's progresses slowly and sometimes quickly.
And yes you will need tons of patience. Start now to incorporate if not already doing so into your daily/wkly monthly schedule, some time for you, to relax to destress in whatever way works for you. Begin to build your own support team, and never be ashamed to ask for help.
And you will grieve as this disease progresses, for we lose our loved ones, month by month. This is normal, cry, weep, grieve when you feel the need to.
Do now whatever you want to do one more time with your parents. Don't wait. I waited too long to take our "last" vacation together. It was mainly painful as Dad was so disoriented and just wanted to go home.
I too am here to lend an ear, to help in whatever way I can