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Originally Posted by nana911  Boy, there are so many sides to this issue. Being a foreign born adoptee that came from an orphanage, adopted at almost 2yrs old by overly strict religious parents who were emotionally and physically abusive. She, one summer DID try to ship me back, at the age of 12, I can see a couple of sides. I've also read cases where unstable, violent adoptees grow up to return to their adopted families and kill them in their beds. Scary stuff. Where do you draw the line? When do you take chances with your safety on someone that may or may not be rehabilitated? Most adopting parents are in it for the right reasons. Mine adopted 3 for all the wrong reasons. My middle brother and I, coming from the same orphanage (he was adopted at age 5) both suffer from reactive attachment disorder. (the youngest was adopted locally at 3days old) I am able to terminate a relationship with no lasting emotional consequences. I don't understand people that miss their parents, kids, grandkids, have roots, etc... I fulfill the socially obligatory roles and I do love my kids and grandkids. I am over the moon about my furbabies....LOL
Anyway, I guess I'm saying that if that woman was scared enough she did what she felt she had to do. Or she was like my mom and she was just abusive and carried through on a threat. There is more than one side. |
I'm sorry, that your adoptive parents turned out to be physically and emotionally abusive. I think in a lot of countries requirements need to be changed and adoped parents should be checked up on, just as if they adopted here in the states. They do the fingerprint checks, to check for any crimanal records, they do a homestudy to check to make sure your home is suitable with regard to being clean and a room for the child, and through the homestudy the social worker will ask you questions about your childhood, why you want to adopt etc. yet many countries stop short after this. They failt do a psychiatric on prospective parents and they fail AFTER the child comes home to follow up on the progress and on the parenting. In my oppinion this child should be tracked for at least a year by social services to make sure that BOTH child and adoptive parents are adjusting. Unfortunately, there are holes in the system that allows for people to adopt that shouldn't have children. Guatemala, for one is one of the easiest places. There are no age limits (Which I'm not totally against since my husband is older then I) There are also no limit on the amount of children you can have (Which again I'm not totally against since other countries such as China who use to only allow one child per household, following their own govermental rules that has since been changed) and they do not require the parents to travel to the country. If the parents do travel, the child is then issued a final decree of adoption prior to ever entereing the US. This I'm against. I think the adoption should be finalized in the US and only AFTER the child has been monitored in the care of the US family for one year. I think this would prevent a lot of what happened where this boy was sent back, and I also think it would have prevented the abuse you suffered. We as adopted parents do go through a lot of background checks, fingerprinting, strangers coming into our home to ask questions that biological parents never have to go through, yet still some have slipped through the cracks and for that I'm sorry.
In our system laws are passed, yet not addressed on how to apply them. I can go on and on on this subject. I'm going through it now with my son who is 16 and his passport. Citizenship Act of 2000 was passed in 2001 it reads any US family that adopt a foreign born child and that child has come home with and RI3 Visa, that child is an automatic citizen, eliminating the step of having to apply citizenship for that child yet places like passport, NJDVM are unaware of this law and still look for the certificate of citizenship which INS no longer supplys. In order to have it, you then have to file for citizenship (Kind of silly) and pay the fee of $400 which by the way use to be $75. Then the issue with the birth certificate, many families have applied to have their foriegn child's bc ammended to a NJ bc so the child does not have to continually supply all his foreign paperwork. This new ammended bc is suppose to eliminate this and act to allow the foreign child to give just what a US born child would supply yet still places like the State Dept (of all places) still require when applying for a passport, the original foreign documents. They are not familiar with the NJ statue on the NJ BC which is law, yet they are unaware of it.
Anyway, I think you get what I'm saying. Things, laws are put in place and passed yet no one is appropriately trained in how t apply them and like everything there are holes in the system.
I'm really sorry for what you went through as a child brought to the US. And, as far as this little boy goes I pray to God that the the same loop holes help this boy slip under the Russian Laws and allow for him to be placed for readoption and not just institutionalized for the rest of his life.
Elaine