[megansmomma]

Originally Posted by jrsygal37

I'm in no way passing judgment. I've done a lot of research prior to adopting and Russia has one of the worse systems out there. The children live in orphanages, where normal children are placed with severely mentally handicapped children. They are often place two or three to a crib and in some cases even tied down with little to no stimulation. These children often do not become available for adoption until after the toddler stages and by then the damage is done. Also, the the children are a lot of time products of fetal alcohol syndrome. This is not the first case where a child from Russia has either been returned or put into US Foster Care due to attatchement disorder. It's unfortunate, but yes there is a big difference. Not all but quite a few children being brought home have attatchement disorders, bipolar, and a lot of it is caused due to the fetal alcohol syndrome as well as the environment they have lived in for years prior to being available for adoption. I did not read this story, but without even reading it IF the parent could not handle the child and believe me I'm not faulting the family for saying "It's too much for me to handle" but I am saying that this child should never have been sent back to Russia. The family has given this child a life sentence. As I said in foreign countries it is not like here. Once that child is returned the country does not allow for a new adoption. That child will rot in an institution because really that is what a Russian orphanage is. The best route for this family to have taken was to hand the child over to a US system were there he would have atleast had a fighting chance. I believe when you adopt you take that child as your own blood. I always tell my children you were not born in my belly you were born in my heart. I can't imagine ever handing my child back no matter what but honestly, I don't think any of us can say for sure what we'd do until we are put in that position. I thank God every day that I was never put in a position where I had to make this kind of decision.

I've seen documentaries on these children brought home from Romania and Russia and the rage they display. It's very very hard to live like that on a daily basis, to not be able to go to sleep without worrying whether the child will burn your house down, harm your other children etc. And, it's not to frighten people from adopting from these countries, but you do have to trust your attorney and your agency as unfortunately, these two countries have a very high rate of kids coming home like this. And, really it is due to the institutionalization they have been forced to live in for so many years before being available for adoption. Do any of you remember the big segment years ago, like maybe 20 years ago about the children in Romanian Orphanages and all the families rushing to Romania to adopt. I do. I watched it and it was heartbreaking. Normal children or children with something as simple as a clef palett being labeled unadoptable and institionalized. I think it was 20/20 that did the segement and went through the orphanages with cameras, some under cover. If you ever watched it you would know why this child came to him as he did. Elaine

I can totally see your point and that is why you need to do your homework when it comes to adoptions. From your post, I can tell that your knowledge was from doing much research on this subject prior to adopting. But I think the issue is that people think "I can change him" and not fully understand it is not something that can be changed. It sounded like they expected him to become what they expected and when things started to spiral out of control they made a decision that was inappropriate or not well thought out. When you take in a living creature (child, dog, cat, whatever) you need to do as much research as possible and accept your decisions and cope as best as you can. It sounds like the adoptive mom did not take appropriate steps to address his issues and instead make a snap decision to transport him back to Russia. I cannot imagine having such fear of a child and have read stories about the condition of the orphanages in Russia and Romania. It makes me sick to think about all of those children living in those types on condition without love or even basic stimulations. Being adopted, I cannot imagine my adopted parents not loving me or living on those types of conditions.