[Sparty]

I want to thank everyone for their prayers, concern, and support. I apologize for the delayed response. The past 48 hrs have been draining in a way I never imagined.
I took Sparty to a different vet for a second opinion. I chose this particular vet because someone had written the comment that he had saved their pet when it was very ill. Sparty had been barely responsive all Wed. morning. I was lucky to get him to go outside to go potty. When he came back in, he smelled awful. He had a bit of feces on him and it smelled like death. Even after bathing him, a weird odor seemed to seep through his skin. I was unable to convince Sparty to leave his cage when it was time to see the vet for a second opinion. I let him stay in his cage and carried it out to the car. When we got to the vet, I wanted him to walk in. I put the cage down and leashed him but he refused to move. I ended up carrying him in with the cage. When we went back for the exam, I ended up having to turn the cage sideways to dump him out. I hated to do it but I was afraid to drag his body because he was so frail and in pain. The doctor did his exam and asked about his eating habits and such. He said that making the decision to put a pet down is the most difficult thing a person can do and it is hard for him to tell someone to do it. He asked when I was planning to do it and I told him at 5 pm (it was about 1 at this time). He said that since Sparty was eating and drinking and still losing such an extreme amount of weight and muscle in such a short period of time, it indicated some sort of malignancy. He then said that "It would NOT BE THE WRONG THING TO DO to put him down". I thanked him for his time. I got in my car and called my husband who was awaiting the vet visit results at work. I need to back up here to the previous evening. I had been out late shopping at Target. I was thinking about Sparty and if putting him down was right. When I got in my car, a song came on that I had never heard before. It was called Just Breathe by Pearl Jam. It started with the lyric "Yes, I understand that every life must end" and ends with "Hold me till I die,Meet you on the other side". The tears fell down my cheeks because it seemed like I was meant to hear this song to know that putting him down was the right thing and he was good with it. Why else that song at that time when I had never heard it before? So, as I hung up with my husband after telling him the bad news of Sparty's second opinion, I finally took note that the exact same song was on the radio again! I felt like I was in my own Guardian Angels story in a women's magazine! I went home with my little boy Sparty and proceeded to love on him and let the kids make little memory stones with his paw prints. We will be the only one's able to see them...his paw prints are barely there due to his lack of weight. We pressed on his feet but we didn't want to cause him pain. We took our final pics and video clips w/him. I gave him another pain killer and took my girls to church (Wed. they have Awana scripture class and choir). My oldest cried when I dropped her off so her teacher prayed with her. My youngest seemed sad but she had been holding in her sorrow and continued to do so. I went back home and my husband was there. He had left work early so we could go together. We put Sparty into his little doggie bag and headed out. I put Sparty on my lap and rolled down the window. I thought he would like to have his hair blow in the wind. I even lifted him up but it was clear he only had enough energy to lay there. When we got to the vet's office, there were other clients so we had to wait (they try to let you have privacy to grieve). We gave Sparty one of his white chocolate easter eggs and he put the whole thing in his mouth and quickly (and hilariously) gobbled it up! It was so cute that I decide to record him. As I was filming, I felt something go up my leg and stop at my rear! I heard an owner say "It wasn't me it was my dog". That's when I saw this huge dog. I was cracking up. Despite Sparty going potty outside the vets office, he left his Daddy a little present to remember him by. Yup....he pee'd a little on my husband's leg! Eventually we went back and they explained exactly what they would do. They took him to put in the I.V. When they brought him back, they told us to take our time alone with him to say goodbye. My husband and I told him how much we loved him. We thanked him for all of the special moments he gave us. My husband told him the story of getting him from his breeder and trying to hide him til Christmas. My husband finally asked Sparty, who had been pretty lethargic, if he was ready. Sparty got a last little engergy boost and ran over and licked my husband's face. My husband thanked him for letting him know he was indeed ready to go. We feed him his final white chocolate egg. After we wiped away our tears and could be brave, we knocked on the door (Vet's signal to come back). He flushed the catheter and administered the drug that permanently relieved Sparty of his pain. The doctor had put Sparty on a green towel (perfect since Sparty is named after the mascot for Michigan State). He took Sparty from the room to remove the needle. The vet brought him back in to the room all wrapped up in the towel and handed him to my husband. I had a flashback to my husband being handed our son ( a full term stillborn). I almost said something to him but I felt it would be too much for him to handle. Later that night, he actually told me that when the vet handed Sparty to him all wrapped up, he had the same feeling he did with our son...that they were actually there watching that take place. I was amazed by his words because I had not mentioned that I too thought of that moment!
We put Sparty's body into his little dog bag (shown in my photo). I couldn't handle leaving him to be cremated. I blame the movie Scooged that starred Bill Murray. For those who have seen it, think about the scene w/him and ghost of Christmas to come and you will know what I speak of! I decided I wanted to bury him at home. After consoling our girls, we went outside to dig. We knew we needed to go deep. What we didn't know was how hard the ground was or how many rocks were under it. I actually helped my husband dig since I was the one who made the final call on what to do with Sparty's body. Normally, I don't do such manual labor because I have a disease that causes me lots of pain and attacks my joints and muscle. We were not able to get all the digging done that night because we broke both our shovels! When my husband got home Thurs. night, we went back to digging and managed to get it deep enough. My husband and I took Sparty's coffin (small cardboard box our girls had decorated) and put his favorite lounging pillow in it with a small toy and a Michigan State Shirt. We gently put his body into the box and cut some hair to save for memory trinkets. We then closed the box and taped it. We called our girls down and put our little letters to Sparty on top of his coffin and held them down with a green bow. Our oldest daughter then read a book our neighbor had dropped off earlier that day named 'Dog Heaven'. My husband read the book Guess how much I love you. It was hard for him and his voice kept breaking because it was the exact same book he had read to our son on the day he was born-still. Our youngest kept asking to see Sparty. I realized it was going to be the only way for her to understand that his body was dead. We reopened it and only showed a small part of his back leg. She then was satisfied that it was indeed Sparty's body. After re-taping, we all went outside and said something nice about Sparty and tossed a handful of dirt into the hole. Once everyone had a turn, I took my girls in. I did not want them to see the hole get filled. I told my husband I would be out shortly to help. That did not happen. Our youngest daughter finally let loose all of her pent up emotion. Both my girls just cried and yelled for what felt like eternity. My oldest started saying in the end "I just want something small and furry to hold". I explained to her that even if we had two dogs and Sparty had died, she would be devastated none the less. My youngest ended up falling asleep crying. My husband came in because he was done. We put our girls to bed. I couldn't sleep so I stayed up all night cleaning. I guess it was stress cleaning. I went to bed for about two hours and it was time to start a new day. I have not fully allow myself to cry yet. I cried a bit at the final vet visit. I cried a little when my girls had their emotional meltdown. Everyone has been so devastated, I have been trying to hide my pain so I can help them. I've been told it will hit me hard. Again, and again. I cried the night that I cleaned because I was alone and no one could see me. I have cried writing this story. My heart is at peace because of the second opinion and so much more. Someone had written your animal will let you know. Sparty couldn't had made it any clearer unless he spoke clear English! The lyrics from the song seemed to reach me thanks to a helping hand from someone on the other side. And, I got to bury and honor our little Sparty in the best way for our family.

I'm not going to cancel my membership with this club just yet. The other night, my husband said "I almost thought about brining home a little yorkie puppy but decided against it". What was weird was I was about to tell him about Raquel crying and saying she "needed something little and furry to hold". My husband said no "unless we came upon a yorkie that needed a home or something". Since I was thinking about it, and he said it, I think there is a chance it may happen in the future. Not today, not in the next week, but eventually. After all, this experience is that their is not such thing as a coincidence when it comes to this family lately!