Originally Posted by Yorkiekids  To all my dear yorkietalk friends you have no idea how much your responses have touched my heart, and brought me to happy tears. For those of you that left your email addresses I tried to write back, but it won't let me email you, so I sent you pm's. To anyone that responded that I have not pm'd back I will. I suffer from BiPolar and major depression. I have been seeing the same psychiatrist for 10 years with little or no help. There is a new man in town who is suppose to be very good, and after the holiday I will be setting up an appointment as a new patient. I'm sorry, but I had been going to a counselor for the same amount of time, and when I was home alone, and felt like I wanted to commit suicide I called him. He told me he wasn't my friend, he was my counselor and if I felt that way to call 911. That did it for me and counselors. Unfortunately my husband really wants me to go to marriage counseling with him. I am dreading it with my very soul. I have to say as much as I love him, right now I hate him. I don't want to have to be backed into a corner and hear how awful I am. The last time I went with him to the psych. I specially asked him not to bring up my son. We weren't in there five minutes, and he started in on me, and the psych was oh so willing to jump in. It landed up in a screaming match between me and the psych, and I got up and walked out. Right now I feel like a trapped rat backed up into a corner just waiting to lash out. I know that's not right, but it's honestly how I feel. The other day I was so depressed I thought of climbing on my roof, and jumping off to see if I could fly like a bird. Then I looked at my kids, and my grandaughter, and just went in my room and cried. I did talk to my son about his snide remark. He told me he was just being sarcastic, and trying to let me know how pretty I looked. I told him it was funny how his girlfriend jumped off the bed and screamed at him for saying that. I told him I guess sarcasim is not want I need or want right now. We had a long long talk, and to make it up to me he said he'd cook the entire Thanksgiving dinner, and his fiance would clean up everything so I could just rest and enjoy the day. I must say he cooks like a chef, and I'm looking forward to my dinner. It makes me feel so much better to talk to you, and I hope you don't mind if I come back, and update this as things go on. Hopefully soon I'll be able to tell you all I'm feeling better. I do believe in Jesus, and know I'm not holding onto his back while he's carry me around. I'm literaly just wrapped around his neck as I don't even have the strength to hold on. I gotta go, cause I'm getting really emotional, and I don't want my family to wake up and see me crying.
Love you all, and have a Blessed Thanksgiving.
Suzanne |