Suzanne,
You are not alone, sometimes it feels like we are the only person that feels like this and that makes us even more depressed. I have suffered from depression most of my life. My doctors think it's partly due to having Fibromyalgia and Rheum. arthritis and Diabetes. Yeah, that should do it.I can blame that sometimes but I know there is so much more to it. I have to force myself to get up in the morning, then all I want to do is go back to bed. It's gotten worse in the past year since we moved to where we are living now. We are moving again in a couple weeks if I can ever get myself to pack. I'm looking forward to moving but can't get motivated. WE are suppose to work on loving ourself first. Okay, someone tell me how to do that. I used to get dressed everyday and do my hair and makeup, now I could care less. Went to my doctor and got a lecture about getting more excercise and not sitting around vegging. Lectures just perk you right up don't they. Everyone suggests talking to a shrink. Sorry, there are things that I will never let come out to share with anyone. I try to put on a front for my family but I get really sick of being 2 different people. The one on the outside and the one on the inside. It's a constant battle between the two. I even considered suicide until I started reading books by Sylvia Browne, whe is a very well known physic and I love her books. She has given me a whole new prespective on life and death. I know that God loves us unconditionally but suicide is against evertyhing they believe in. I have made Sylvia a promise that I will never do that. She has a new book out about loving ourselves and healing ourselves from within. I love the book, the only trouble I have is the meditations. My mind never shuts off long enough to get deep into meditation but I am trying. Suzanne, I don't pretend to know what you believe but we are never alone. My four sons have no idea what I go through and they are very quick to blame me for anything wrong in their lives that I was not a good mom. I have written letters to each of them that they will get when I die. Things they need to know but still may not believe. It felt good to get it off my chest. I am here for you if you need to talk personally pm me or email me at
suespreng@yahoo.com. Maybe we can help each other. There is probably nothing you can tell me that I can' top regarding things done in the past. I don't share conversations with anyone else. After 16 years as an EMT I know about confidentially.
Hang in there and don't let remarks set you back. Kids have no idea what damage a flip remark can do. They would be hoffified if they knew they hurt you. One day at a time sweetheart, one step at a time.
Sue
