Or maybe drugs and a straight jacket! I am soooo pissy today! I KNOW it's PMS that is contributing to some of it.... but man its awful.
So I find out today through my mom that my little bro is planning on getting married in Dec. This will be his 5th engagement and his 2nd marriage. The first lasted 4 months and he didn't even tell me about it until well after a YEAR after they got divorced. Now he is going to Vegas to get married in Dec, even though they live in VA and he is deployed to Iraq until next April. He is rushing into YET another marriage. I have 2 brothers and both will be here for xmas. However both got married within days of xmas and I have not been able to go the 2500+ miles to their 'weddings' (I say that lightly since neither is having a wedding wedding). I barely know the girls who are my sisters in law.
Now about me... Im the oldest and was in a LONG relationship with a guy I adored.. 10 years. I am still not over it, when I fall, I fall hard. I am not married and am dating a wonderful man but someone whom I am thinking about ending it with. I want to get married someday maybe have a child. He has 2 from a previous marriage and is fixed and wants no more. He also is no hurry to get married again and we've been together 2 years. I refuse to give up my house unless he proposes and he's not in a hurry, which leaves me in a similar situation that I was in with my last long relationship. I give up too much of what I want for the guys I love. I feel sucked dry. He loves me and he'd do ALMOST anything for me, except the 2 things I want, get married and maybe have a baby.
So instead of feeling happy I am not looking forward to xmas where I can basically sit there and not be seen because my family will be fawning over my brothers, one's new baby and the other's new marriage while I am invisible because I didn't rush into a marriage or get pregnant and have a shotgun wedding. It makes me NOT want to go with a passion that I can't explain. It makes me want to just up and leave everything behind and start over somewhere new. I absolutely hate that I'm not in my 20s anymore and can't get back that time. I had so much time 10 years ago and now its dwindling.
Plus Im restless... Im busting my butt at work and in school to finish my BSBA but I hate my job bc my duties changed from more R&D work to more admin and stupid crap I hate doing when I was hired for R&D for a reason. Bc I am salary and the economy is tough, I took a paycut and they no longer match our 401k, health ins premiums keep going up and no raise... but if I were hourly they'd still match 401k and I could have collected unemployment for those unpaid weeks off. I need to get out of here... everyday you are forced to give 110% because we are so short handed yet we get NOTHING in return. Just keep taking.
People ... I am SUCKED DRY!
Please advice!