1. just found out the male we are thinking of adopting isn't house trained, even at 4 yrs. Am I setting myself up for a headache there?
I think you have a lot of work ahead of you. But they can be trained.
2. Ok i had wanted a girl originally..but I know they are alot more expensive. Couldn't wait to put bows in her hair, etc...(all boys here, needed another female)
but anyway..what "accessories" do you male doggie owners use?
There are lots of things for males. Yes, dresses and bows are cute on the girls, but males dress up to. 
Oh- where do your dogs sleep? Pet bed in your room, crate in another room?
We have beds all over the house for nap time, BUT, they love to sleep with you, so your bed soon becomes their bed. But they do share. 
Good Luck! Can't wait to hear more about your new baby! Oh yea, lots of pictures too.