 (cont) Chapter 4 - Didyme
I looked at Edward, expecting some sort of insight on what his motivations could have been. Instead, he remained silent. His face was twisted into an agonized expression. He dropped his head and looked at his hands. Now I was the one who felt like I would go mad, wondering what he was thinking. Finally, after a long moment, he softly spoke. “Is it really so unforgivable a thing to do to someone you love dearly? To want to have them with you forever?” He raised his head, his eyes full of pain.
Immediately, I understood the comparison he had made. “Edward, that’s not what I meant. It’s not the same.”
“Isn’t it?” he challenged, but there was no anger in his voice, only pain...and guilt.
“From the day I met you Bella, I have wanted nothing but you. I wanted you to share this life beside me, for me to be able to keep you forever, and in the end, I did. I have never wanted anything so badly. How does that make me any different than Aro?”
“Edward, you may have wanted those things for yourself, but you never wanted them for me. I chose this existence for myself and you fought me over it until the end. You never forced it on me the way Aro did with his sister. I chose this life and I do not regret it.”
“Bella, there will never be a day that passes that I don’t wonder if I did the right thing by ending your life. Never a day that I don't wonder if you would have been better off if I’d found the strength to force myself to stay away from you.”
“Better than off than what?" I challenged. "Weekly trips to the emergency room? Feeling like I have finally found my place in this world? Better of than being completely and utterly happy? Is it really so horrible a thing for me to want to stay with you forever?” I looked at him, searching the depths of his eyes for a sign of understanding.
After another long minute, I saw the hardness fade and a smirk slowly spread across his mouth. He pulled my hand up to kiss my palm, inhaling deeply as he did. “No, I’d say that makes you just as selfish as me,” he replied teasingly.
“Well, when two individuals are as hopelessly selfish as we are they deserve to have to endure each other forever.” I leaned forward and kissed him quickly, then pulled back just a few inches. “Now, can we please end this debate… for good?”
He grabbed my face on either side and pulled me to him again, kissing me back in the same fashion, then pulled me back out, sill grasping my face, all traces of remorse having faded from his eyes. “Yes!”
“Good!” I said, relieved, hoping he truly meant it. “Now, let’s go down and see if Rose and Renesmee are finished.”
A few seconds later and I was downstairs, peeking in to the living room, not wanting to interrupt. Rosalie and Renesmee sat side by side on the floor looking at an extravagant rendering of the solar system. Renesmee listened intently as Rosalie told her about the rings of Saturn. Never missing a word of her lesson, Rosalie looked up at us and nodded her head once in acknowledgment that we were waiting. |