I didn't mention that my father has been an alcoholic on an off for 50 years. During those 50 years, as I'm sure you can imagine, he has said some pretty terrible things to me while intoxicated. He even interfered in the raising of my son. That's why my son and I moved when he was in 6th grade and I didn't come back until my son enlisted in the Air Force. But of course that didn't stop the phone calls at night from my father.
I know I'm suppose to forgive and forget, but some things you can't. I am talking to my father, in fact the first phone call I made to him he said 'are you sure you want to talk to me', I told him I had to because of my son. This is after Andy had told me a number of times prior to discovering he had cancer, that dad wanted to talk to me. I think that I am ambivalent about my dad. I more worried how my son is taking this. I do call once a week or after a treatment that I need information on in order to understand where things are for Andy. I need to know if Dad's going to tell him some bad news so that I can call Andy to let him talk things through. We aren't even going to tell Andy when the surgery is until it's over. I know that that might be considered wrong, but if something went bad during the surgery and Andy was there, I would want to be there for my son.
It's just complicated. |