[QUOTE=TOY;2775334]Oh, my dear, my heart goes out to you. I cannot begin to imagine the turmoil you have been through but you are a better woman than me because there is no way I could/would still be putting up with that.
It sounds as though you and your husband are both in the military. Is it possible for you to get counseling through that route or perhaps a pastor? It sounds to me that your husband needs to be reminded of his vow to "forsake all others."
I think you realize that your husband had a tragic childhood...at least it sounds that way. Unfortunately, he is still trying to "fix" things so that his family can be normal like everyone else's.
He really needs some guidance or teaching about tough love. Honestly, since it sounds like he has been the rescuer all his life, it is not going to be easy for him to change. Not only will his family probably give him all sorts of grief when he tries to separate himself from them, he will also (more than likely) also view himself as abandoning them. I'm not doubting his love for you but he is still trying to do what he's tried to do all his life: "fix" his broken family.
I know you love him but you may not be able to "survive" living with him. I would never advise someone to separate or divorce because that is such a personal decision but I do think there is a point in a relationship with anyone where you have to pull back if it is poisoning your own life.
I cannot imagine not being respected in my own home. I think that would be the line in the sand for me. I realize you said you have just purchased a home but is it possible (if you are military) for you two to request an assignment overseas or such? It sounds like to me that removal from the situation is the best option. Therefore, if you can't get rid of the relatives, try to remove your husband and yourself.
Drastic? Yes, but unless you are a saint or your husband can learn to ignore his "obligations" (I do think he probably views this as such), this is going to continue to fester.
Personally, I think your husband needs to realize that you are being emotionally abused in your own home. I'm afraid he's not able to see the whole picture.[/QUOTE
Once again, I am amazed by the wisdom in your posts. I agree with what you have said here. I also married a "rescuer" and I was also the child of an abusive alcoholic. Your DH is dealing with things that he may not be able to handle on his own, but you cannot fix this for him. I strongly urge counseling for both of you, in order to try and work this out. I will tell you it is possible, but it will take hard work on both your parts. He has learned a behavior that will take time to unlearn. I will pray that you both find peace. |