Originally Posted by TOY  Rachel, I'm going to jump right in here and meddle, I think.
I have read your threads from the very beginning and at once even got caught up in the drama. I am in a bit of an observer mode right now so while I am in that mode, I'd like to share a few thoughts with you. You may take them in the spirit in which I am giving them or you may spurn them...regardless, I hope it will give you a bit more insight into those who are responding to you.
I don't know your age but I daresay I am quite a bit older than you...perhaps even old enough to be.....well, I do hope that is stretching it a bit! Your youth is apparent to me in your postings, through what you say, how you say it, and the energy you exert. (You may not understand that until you are in your own middle age years...LOL)
Have you ever talked to someone who never listened? What I mean is a person who is formulating how they are going to respond and what they are going to say before you ever finish your thought? They never really hear what you say because they are too busy already putting up defensive barriers. I fear that you are quite often doing that in your reading and posting.
You have some had some great wisdom shared with you from folks here who have so much experience with dogs and puppies and Yorkies in particular. I feel confident in telling you that because I am not one of those wise ones. I have only had my Yorkie puppy for a few months now and still have so much more to learn.
However, I do a couple of things when I post for advice and help. I learned this quite early in my postings before I bought my Yorkie because one of my first posts included weight of the puppy I hoped to get. I wasn't really seeking information then but boy did I get some "learning." I realized that there was so much I didn't know regardless of my education and degrees. There is such a vast difference in "book learning" and experience. In many instances, experience trumps and in my opinion, raising dogs is one of them.
I learned from my first few "painful" postings that I needed to think and rethink, read and reread before I hit the "submit" button to post especially when I was responding to or reacting to someone else's post. In most instances I remember to do that. Ever so often though, emotion overcomes my intelligence and I spout off before I think it through. Without exception, I always end up regretting it.
You need to step back and take a deep breath and try to read responses to your posts without being so defensive. These people wish you no harm. If it appears to you that they are always on your puppy's side, let me assure you that they are ALWAYS on the side of the puppy. (It reminds me a bit of when I married. My mother told my husband that she wanted him to know that whenever he and I argued, she would be on HIS side. It was meant as a joke but there was an underlying truth to it. What she really meant was she didn't want me running to her with complaints, etc.)
That's a bit where everyone is coming from, I think. They tried to council you and share their experiences but as almost everyone of us has done, you followed your own heart. That point is moot now because it is a "done" deal or as I liked to tell my students, you can't unscramble eggs.
However, you move on from this point. You will find people willing and eager to advise and help you but they will want to do it to help the puppy. They are the puppy's advocate, not yours. They speak for the one who cannot speak for herself...your Sadie. If you stop and think about it, would you want any less from a forum about Yorkies?
Many of these folks rescue abused Yorkies and help authorities close puppy mills and such. When you seek their advice by posting questions choose your words carefully. Regardless of your intent or what you meant to say, when you use words such as "evil" in reference to a Yorkie, you will have opened a floodgate of responses. They don't know you except through your words so you must carefully pose your questions or voice your thoughts.
They are not targeting you in a mean or rude or offensive manner intentionally. However, they are responding to what YOU write. For the most part these are wonderful people who have a genuine real interest in the welfare of your Yorkie, little Sadie. They are human adults though and being such are not perfect. You have to realize that when they offer their "told you so" rhetoric, they are responding much as parents to a child. It's just human nature, I think, to remind people that you did warn them about a potential problem.
Just try to remember that, give them that point much as you would your parents, and move on. If you've ever heard the expression, "Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater," you'll understand what I am suggesting. There is much to be learned and gained from the experience of the wise ones here. Don't fail to listen just because you first have to allow them the "told you so." If you can allow yourself to let down that defensive barrier, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at your interactions on the board.
I have been. |