Hi there, Delicatepuzzle! I may not have any wise advice or anything, but I can relate. I'm sure I've not experienced the sort of inner turmoil you must face, but I've battled my own demons in these areas. Most days, I'm winning, but sometimes I can't fight as well I should. To me, I think ed's and self-harm go hand in hand. I think essentially they are both the same thing, only self-harm is sort of more "instant gratification."
You make some really interesting points about the socially acceptable forms of self-harm. For me, it hurts to see someone else's scars. Its a reflex for me to reach for my own scars and to cover them when I see someone else's. Because when I see theirs, I almost feel their pain and wish there was someway I could help? I hate smoking, because I lost the most important person in my life to lung cancer. Seeing someone smoke doesn't have the same effect as scars do though.
I don't know if you'd be interested, but there's this great group called "Mercy Ministries." Its kind of like a rehab center, but they have programs that people sponsor so that women can go regardless of finances. For me, if I write my emotions out when I'm having one of "THOSE" days; my mind clears and things are better. Feel free to talk about your emotions anytime
it helps!
((((HUGS))))