YorkieTalk.com Forums - Yorkshire Terrier Community - View Single Post

delicatepuzzle · 08-09-2009, 09:33 PM

/heard by people I don't know (well you know what I mean). No need to respond, but if you feel like you need to, please express any opinions you may have, good bad mean nice disgusted.

Please do not be overly concerned about any of my thoughts, they are just that ... THOUGHTS.

Why isn't it ok for people to take their own life? It is theirs right? Why should you have to suffer just because you know that your loved ones will "miss" you/be "hurt" by ur actions. Let me explain ...

Oct. 6th 2001 was a day I wish over and over I could rewind back to. If my daddy were still alive, my life would be so different. I wouldn't of become a person plagued with eating disorders, therapy, mental illness, medications, doctors bills, psychiatrist bills, script bills, and now ... no insurance meaning ... no more meds ... meaning the opening of the flood gates that all that crap (meds, therapy, crazy doctor talk, etc.) held back. I have been handling myself pretty well since my recovery from anorexia and bulimia nervosa back in 2007. Well that's when I was a "healthy" weight and eating "normal". I will forever be plagued with thoughts of self-harm (fasting, purging, cutting, burning, punching etc.) and only occasionally act upon them. Not to say that any of this is my dad's fault, I can only make choices for myself. But if I had just heard him call my name, if I had just called 911 right away, if I had just gone in the ambulance with him. I could of helped him, I could of gotten help for him sooner. HE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE. And yes, his death is my fault! After all the therapy and crap (yes I've tapered myself off all of it, I have nothing else to say. Plus I just can't afford it) I can't help but think that all of it has just suppressed my thoughts instead of actually dealing with it. Why should I have to suffer with all this? Or maybe a little less drastic ..

Why isn't it ok for people to cut themselves or purge or whatever? But its ok smoke? It's the same concept! Either puts you at risk of dying. Or what about extreme piercing/tattooing, people do it for the endorphins/to make themselves feel better. Self-injuring is the same concept. The sight of blood is calming, the feeling of physical pain heals the emotional pain. Owning a gun, driving a car, smoking, eating fast food, is all "self-harm"! Why is it that somethings are socially acceptable and others aren't!!?!?!?!!?

Yes, mentally I am having a relapse! Yes, I am trying my best not to relapse to the full extent. NO, I do not plan on severely harming myself in socially unacceptable ways. This is just a healthy way for me to release these thoughts, and getting feedback. If anyone has any low cost/free on how to get my meds (zoloft), I'd love to hear some suggestions.

If this is not allowed, PLEASE delete it, Thank you admin!

08-09-2009, 09:33 PM	#1
delicatepuzzle Donating YT 500 Club Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Orlando, FL, USA Posts: 603	Just need to get this out... /heard by people I don't know (well you know what I mean). No need to respond, but if you feel like you need to, please express any opinions you may have, good bad mean nice disgusted. Please do not be overly concerned about any of my thoughts, they are just that ... THOUGHTS. Why isn't it ok for people to take their own life? It is theirs right? Why should you have to suffer just because you know that your loved ones will "miss" you/be "hurt" by ur actions. Let me explain ... Oct. 6th 2001 was a day I wish over and over I could rewind back to. If my daddy were still alive, my life would be so different. I wouldn't of become a person plagued with eating disorders, therapy, mental illness, medications, doctors bills, psychiatrist bills, script bills, and now ... no insurance meaning ... no more meds ... meaning the opening of the flood gates that all that crap (meds, therapy, crazy doctor talk, etc.) held back. I have been handling myself pretty well since my recovery from anorexia and bulimia nervosa back in 2007. Well that's when I was a "healthy" weight and eating "normal". I will forever be plagued with thoughts of self-harm (fasting, purging, cutting, burning, punching etc.) and only occasionally act upon them. Not to say that any of this is my dad's fault, I can only make choices for myself. But if I had just heard him call my name, if I had just called 911 right away, if I had just gone in the ambulance with him. I could of helped him, I could of gotten help for him sooner. HE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE. And yes, his death is my fault! After all the therapy and crap (yes I've tapered myself off all of it, I have nothing else to say. Plus I just can't afford it) I can't help but think that all of it has just suppressed my thoughts instead of actually dealing with it. Why should I have to suffer with all this? Or maybe a little less drastic .. Why isn't it ok for people to cut themselves or purge or whatever? But its ok smoke? It's the same concept! Either puts you at risk of dying. Or what about extreme piercing/tattooing, people do it for the endorphins/to make themselves feel better. Self-injuring is the same concept. The sight of blood is calming, the feeling of physical pain heals the emotional pain. Owning a gun, driving a car, smoking, eating fast food, is all "self-harm"! Why is it that somethings are socially acceptable and others aren't!!?!?!?!!? Yes, mentally I am having a relapse! Yes, I am trying my best not to relapse to the full extent. NO, I do not plan on severely harming myself in socially unacceptable ways. This is just a healthy way for me to release these thoughts, and getting feedback. If anyone has any low cost/free on how to get my meds (zoloft), I'd love to hear some suggestions. If this is not allowed, PLEASE delete it, Thank you admin!