[tammys]

Originally Posted by FlDebra

I saw you had only been here what, two weeks? Sometimes it takes longer than that to sort of get to know the participants in a forum, see who really is there to help others, often with more than words. Once you know them better, you also get a better feel for their intent, their passions, their own convictions, and their "walk." You don't usually get that in two weeks or a very few postings. It takes time to really get to know folks. Sometimes a new poster is not always as they seem either. I try to reserve some of my "sympathies," if I initially have them, until I see the cut of their jib. I have gotten burnt jumping on the wrong band wagon too soon before. (Sorry for mixing metaphors).

I don't think advice always needs to be sugar-coated to be useful. I think some ducks need to be called ducks -- I think the big picture is often more important than the individual's sensitivity. But I wrote some of my reasoning in the other thread that seems to have spurred this one at least partially. I am not going to repeat my whole post here but instead link to the thread -- it is post #38 there http://www.yorkietalk.com/forums/bre...-newbie-2.html. See if you can see there might be another side of the coin after reading there.

I have read so much of this today, my head is swimming.


I know what you mean about making premature judgements, but I didn't have to be on here more than a day to read replies that could have been worded with more thought, empathy, and compassion.

After reading those, my thought was not, "Wow, that person really knows her stuff, and is being so helpful." It was, "Wow, that person was rude."

I also did not need to be here long to see that there were very knowledgeable, helpful people on here. But sometimes that knowledge was drowned out by judgment and rudeness. It's just those few negative ones that stick out, b/c they tend to be hurtful and insulting.


I'm not talking about sugar-coating things; but there needs to be an awareness that someone might feel attacked or judged b/c of the tone of the reply. Then what good had been achieved? You might feel better b/c you got it off your chest, but who was really helped? Not the person who needed it.

It's so hard to decipher that tone through writing though...that's the reason we should take the extra step to make sure it comes across as supportive and helpful. The facts absolutely must be shared, but the OP shouldn't be made to feel badly. They should be thinking, "I am so glad to be on this board, and get so much help and advice." They shouldn't feel attacked or scared to post something.

I am also not defending all OP's. I have read some that literally make me shake my head in disbelief. I feel badly for the person/dog/situation, and would love to make it better if I could. But I know that anger will not help anyone. Like I said before, many of you know how these exasperating situations can end. I imagine that this knowlege and possible memories make you want to just smack someone silly! But it doesn't work. Educating others without judgment will go a long way in improving bad situations, and possibly worse outcomes.


I am one of the few people I know (not patting myself on the back, but like you said, just calling a duck a duck) that goes out of her way to make sure she does not hurt people's feelings. Because I tend to be overly sensitive, I make sure I don't make someone else feel badly.

So, when I see someone being curt or rude, it bothers me. It is the middle of the night, and I have rambled enough and feel like my posts keep repeating themselves. I would love to put this to rest, and have everyone be happy. I realize I may be living in a fantasy land, but I can dream....actually, I will go do that now.

'night.