[mizzwanned]

Today is the worst day of my life. My beautiful sweet angel has died. I feel lost and incomplete. It really feels like a nightmare and like this is all not real. I woke up, Sophie was sleeping in the bed with me. My mom was in her room sleeping but my grandma came. She woke me up and the dogs so i put the dogs down and they all ran to the living room. I was in the room still. Then my granma and mom were eating in the LR and i remember hearing the dogs in there walking around. Afterwards i was in the bathroom getting ready when i heard a squeel or whine. I immediately looked for all 3 dogs and saw Sophie was the one whining. She looked paniced and was walking around and looking disoriented. I immediately thought she was choking on something and started to panic. I was screaming, while my mom took her to see whats wrong but didnt succeed. I then just grabbed her and ran to get a taxi to the nearest vet. I really wanted to go to a better emergency vet but i went to this one near me cause of the state Sophie was in. Her gums and tongue were blue. She was limp and couldnt even stand up. I thought maybe some food dropped and she got some and ate it too fast. On the way there i was screaming cause the taxi couldnt go fast enough. I just wanted her to get better. The vet took her immedietly and after a while came out with the bad news. I am so devastated, my bf and i. We feel empty. She was the baby of the house, always happy and cheerful. She always made me smile. We asked to see her and took her body because we want to get her cremated and keep the ashes. Does anyone know where in NY i can get this done? I called the humane society and they said it's $25 to cremate but for the ashes it's a couple hundred. why is that? They are not even open now so idk what to do. She is here wrapped in a blanket and we let Teddy and London smell her to say goodbye. They seem confused though. They are pacing back and forth and London is barking at where her body is at. That was her wrestle mate. And the crazy thing is the other day, about 3 days ago i had a nightmare about Sophie. This is what makes the situation even worse. In my dream she has fallen out the window and i hoped and hoped she survived but when i looked down all i saw was a pool of blood. What does this symbolize? I've had nightmares of them before so i tried to let it go. I was even going to post about it here cause i was so scared about it but i didn't. So when we were in the waiting room i just knew cause of that dream the news wasn't going to be good. I'm seriously so lost, i lost my little baby, my angel. She was so precious to me..she was perfect this morning. I'm so confused and feel empty inside. I never thought i would lose any of them so early She was only 2. There's just no words to describe this feeling. That i will never be able to hold her again or see her run in circles in the grass like she does or lick my nose, or scratch my leg for me to pick her up. omg im just completely losing it. I want her back, i wasn't ready..