I am so glad that you decided to post. I hope your guilt will fade away soon as this is not your fault and Smokey knows that ~ he loves you too ~
Please know that he is not in any pain and that God is holding him for you, he is telling your baby that his Momma loves him very much and that you want him to go and play with all the other babies there and that you WILL meet again....he will be waiting for you
