Ha ha, thank you everyone. Don't worry, I won't DARE give up yet. I know there are still options out there. I just ordered the puppy pads that smell like grass in case Thor doesn't understand the difference between "rug" and "pad". And I might try the cardboard boxes thing too. I had been using one box already to block off one door, but it hadn't occurred to me to get more sophisticated with them.
I guess I need to keep trying with Thor for as long as nine months because the reality is that he came to me with the bladder skills of a three month puppy. I can't imagine him not getting it after that long (shudder).
It could be worse.... He only poops once a day, and that is always deposited somewhere appropriate.
My fear is that, at some point, you can't watch your dog like a hawk. Maybe you can do it for 3 weeks, maybe you can do it for 3 months, but at some point, you need to start looking at things besides your dog. And if your dog is really determined to do his business inside and away from your eyeline, what can you do?
So the countdown begins.... 7 months and 1 week to go. Will Thor and I both make it out of this alive? I sure hope so.