 Wanted!
WANTED FOR GRAND THEFT CARDIAC
An Ohio woman reported being the victim of grand theft cardiac. "He stole my heart" she was quoted as saying. When asked if the perpetrator was heavily armed, she replied, "No arms—just four legs, and he wasn't heavily anything—he only weighed 2 pounds at the time. Oh! Weapons! Yes, he used 2 brown puppy dog eyes. I didn't stand a chance."
In addition, she reports being assaulted. "He tried to lick my face off," she said. When given a chance to speak for himself, the canine criminal said, "Woof. Arf," which was translated as, "I didin steal nothin. Her gived it to me. And I'm not sowwy! I would do it again!"
The unrepentant perpetrator was released into the victim's custody, and is currently serving a life sentence in the victim's home. "We couldn't be happier," she reports. The perp added, "arrf, woof," in agreement. Residents are warned to be on the lookout, as this sort of criminal often becomes a repeat offender. |