Hunny I wish you the best of luck. When I was younger and growing up both my sisters sat me down and gave me this little talk about how we always hold ourselves to higher standards than we hold others. We find it easy to forgive people we love (even though THEY aren't perfect) and if we learn to love ourselves (even though WE aren't perfect) then it will become easier to forgive yourself. Everyone has their mistakes and secrets and dirty little shameful moments.
I once told an older woman to F-off because her husband had pushed himself on me while I was working. I still feel bad to this day. She just wanted to apoligize for him. I later found out he had alzheimers. I am far from proud but in that moment I made a choice that I can't take back.
God loves and forgives. So should we. I'm routing for you.
__________________ I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. --Mother Teresa
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