[Misti1]

k here is the advice of a professional school counselor.......You NEVER said a word wrong, but your actions showed what your step mother already knows......Little Miss ZOE is not a well trained child. She is the baby (and probably last) of marriage #2.....your Dad is where my X-husband is now, will do anything to avoid conflict in the new, and hopefully last marriage.

Now if you are going to make peace, and visit/live or whatever in that household your focus has to go to ZOE. You need to spend time with her correcting her bad dog behavior with your dog and the step Mom's. But this must be done VERY delicately....No doubt, you step in immediately when you see her taking dogs by the neck, tail, fore legs, etc....but try rewarding ZOe when she is gentle, nice, a good girl... with your Mom's dog...don't let her have your dog without supervision, and in VERY short intervals.

Work with her real hard on compassion and hurt feelings etc. Still I wouldn't turn my back on her. Also praise the older brother who "gets it" alot where she can hear it about how WELL he does with the dogs, this SHOULD make her want to copy his behavior.

WIth the step Mom .deflect conversation off the dog issue as much as possible and talk about other stuff you have common ground on. Also compliment SOMETHING she is doing with ZOe, because your recognition of the fact that she is not doing well with the dog makes mother KNOW that she is failing in some area in her rearing of ZOE..

I'd gather that she is a middle-aged Mom with a new last chance at a family, and not as energetic and hands-on as need be, so she's feeling worn out by these two kids, a maltese, a step daughter and her dog , and your Dad.....LOL

Good luck.