I understand your anguish because Mr. Fuzzy has pissed/pooped on every item in my home. (bed, ottoman, couch, kitchen /bathroom rug) On the days that I'm not frustrated with life, I'm able to remember that he's not perfect and he will have accidents just like the best humans
But on days where everything is crappy - I'm two steps from calling the pound! Although I can't give you any good tips, please try to remember how you feel in the morning when he gives you "lick'kisses" when you wake up. Or when he nuzzles your hand so you can pet him.
Good luck!