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and the two year old made more of a mess then my parents dog ever did
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It's all in how you raise them I think, whether it be children or pets.
Regardless, you can't get a puppy and not expect these little mishaps. It happens! Especially before they are fully matured.
I've been lucky with Missy so far. She hasn't made any stains or destroyed anything, but I do expect it to happen sometime. I am fortunate to be able to supervise her every moment that she is out of her expen, I think that helps.
I do have to commend you for trying with Teddy. When you first posted you sounded fed up, and like you were going to give up. At least now you are discussing the problems and trying to find solutions. It shows you really do care about your dog. Hopefully you guys can work this out. Good luck!