[rentfrog]

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door * pet-nose
height.
>>
>>
>> Dear Dogs and Cats:
>>
>> The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The
>> other
>> dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print
>> in
>> the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming
>> your
>> food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
>> slightest.
>>
>> The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating
>> me
>> to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I
>> fall
>> faster than you can run.
>>
>> I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
>> about
>> this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
>> comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep.
>> It
>> is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to
>> the
>> fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
>> and
>> having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing
>> but
>> sarcasm.
>>
>> For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by
>> some
>> miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
>> necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your
>> paw
>> under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the
>> same
>> door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine
>> or
>> feline attendance is not required.
>>
>> The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
>> I
>> cannot stress this enough!
>>
>> To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
>> front door:
>>
>> To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:
>> 1. They live here. You don't.
>> 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
>> furniture.
>> That's why they call it 'fur' niture.
>> 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
>> 4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
>> son/daughter
>> who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.