[Angela]

I am really freaking out........I know you would think I had approx. 8 months to think about this, but I spent that time denying or NOT letting myself hope, etc... A quick background info in short: About a year and half ago I believed heart and soul I was preg. dh hubby and I were activly trying and I sarted having EVERY sympton my bra cup went from a b to e, et....I couldn't believe the negative test b/c everything was SO real and I felt in my soul I was preg....turns out I was not. I don't know how to explain how devasted I was or even why I felt that was the end of my world. I vowed at that time to never trust or believe my instints again....I mean how could I be more wrong.

Fast Foward to present: I can't hide behind this as you can see it and I have been watching what I eat, started walking at the gym. Anyway, I got a glimps in a big mirror 4th of July and I could see how HUGE my stomach had gotten....I was just wearing work out cloths instead of jeans at home and avoiding all mirros. It starts right under my boobs ( a inch or so under ) and goes to the top of my naval....it's hard, and shaped round.....just like what a preg person would look like. I had a lot of stress last May when my sister passed, we got her 4 year old and was not trying to get preg any longer. I haven't had a period since November 6 I just thought it was from soooo much stress and needing to loose weight and maybe the fact that I had started loosing weight. I refused to take a pregnancy test, I could not handle getting my hopes shattered after all I am going through right now. Anyway, I finally tell my Mom and have her feel my stomach and mainly all I had different was heart burn and constipation and I feel movement a good bit. Lately everday and usually every night while I am reading YT at the same time of night. She says oh honey I wouldn't be suprised if you had a baby in a few weeks.....first person I confessed this to b/c I couldn't keep it out of my head any longer and now its worse. I DO have a appointment on Friday they are going to call if anything opens for Thursday b/c they know how bad I am stressing and told me to stay off the internet researching ( lol ) Which I will! The appointment is just for a 3 mo check up I never went back to get after my sister got sick....so I need to have that done anyway, but will have her look into this matter also. I KNOW this dosen't mean I am preg, I can't let myself think that, but it scares me of what else it could be.....the only thing I know of that looks like a real pregnant belly but isn't is Uterine Fibroids. I don't know if they would move the utures up this far and be so hard or if they cause movement and shortness of breath, that started last week I never carry any type of weigh right here....no matter what size I am, I am heavy at the bottom and small at the top....until now. I JUST NEED PRAYER. I am very scared and I guess fear kept me from persuing this until I started growing the past month or so. Please keep me in your thoughts I have so much going on in my life right not all of it is bad, but a lot of it is not great either. Thanks for sticking with me through this read.

Angie

PS Lee I tried to call you today, I left a message I couldnt wait I had to finally get this out.....I was also calling to say hi, etc,,, not just about this...lol