My heart is breaking for you. I lost a pup in a tragic way also, he drowned. And I know that I kept beating myself up that I didn't protect him. I kept thinking coulda', woulda', shoulda'. I went through the event over and over and kept torturing myself. After I had punished myself enough I realized that I didn't want to think about Butch (my baby), and only think about the negative and the tragedy. I had to remember the 4 great years I had with him and how unique his personality was. I thought, would I have traded those 4 years with him just so I wouldn't feel the pain of his loss and I wouldn't trade those years. I got to know him and love him the best I could in the time we had together. I know the feelings are very raw right now and you don't even want to get out of bed. But eventually you will be able to smile when you hear the name "Dior" instead of crying. You will rejoice in his life and the life you shared with him. Give yourself a break, you did the best you could. And if you keep playing it over and over, you might want to talk to a professional. You were through a major tragedy and you could have post traumatic stress from it. Seek help and support if you need it. I wish you nothing but peace and joy to come to your life again. |