[navygirl76]

Edith, you are very insightful and mature for your age.
i know you are hurting over the loss of your father, and the loss of a relationship that you wanted, and never got from him. Please know that he may have been an alcoholic, and yes he chose that over his family-but-that doesn't mean he didn't love you. He just wasn't strong enough to beat the addiction, and to see things as clearly as you do. You are stronger than he was.
I am going through a similar situation right now. Long story short-my husbands mother is a life long alcoholic and its killing us. a few yrs ago we forced her to move in with us for about 4 months (she was drinking a huge bottle of vodka everyday-and she only weights about 90 lbs!), she sobered up and gained weight and was looking great! well, she started disappearing on the weekends meeting up with random men (and drinking again). we asked her to move out-financially she was supposed to get a job and we were really hurting trying to buy her meds (they were around 500 bucks a month!) and support her and she didn't care.
we just saw her two weekends ago-she KNEW we were coming over and she was COMPLETELY drunk at 12:30 in the day-she blacked out and hit the floor in front of us-laying on her face. We wont be going back for a long time-it scared my husband really bad and she refuses help, and refuses to even acknowledge she drinks too much.We expect her to be dead within a year.

I hope you know that addictions ruin alot. They destroy the person and who they are (and what they could have been!), they destroy children, relationships but i dont think they mean to hurt people like they do.. its part of the addiction process.
Your dad loved you, and where ever he is-he still does. I hope you know that. Its ok to grieve over him-and its ok to be mad at him sometimes. Just pray for him, that he is finally at peace, that he is watching over you (im sure he is, and im sure he regrets alot of things). Talking to him may help you too ( i know it sounds craaazy, but i do believe that deceased family watch over us..) tell him you forgive and love him.
You are in my thoughts and prayers, and we are here to talk to you and listen-- Mel