Just WOW. My heart really goes out to you. Your post is so heartbreaking. I can tell you've really put a lot of heart into this & I can't imagine how torn up you must be over having to try to hide this from your DH.......
Listen, you don't need a bank account -- you can get what's called a Paypal debit card to pull your money out. A lot of ebay sellers use these to pull out money. I'm not sure if that helps at all & I don't know the terms involved.
Here's a link anyway, so maybe that will help.
I wish you the best of luck.
((Hugs))