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Originally Posted by jrsygal37  It's a little after midnight and I just got in a bit ago. It's been a very bad night. My parents are almost 80 yrs. old and my mom has Alzeimers. She's also a diabetic and she has renal failure. She was very ill over the summer, actually went into hospice the day after I lost my Yorkie Newman to cancer. It's been rough. Hospice took care of her in the nursing home and she pulled out of it and my dad brought her home in December. She seemed to be doing better, but then took a steady decline.
My parents have been fighting terribly. My mom is paranoid. She thinks my father is hiding things on her, messing with her meds, etc. but it's her that is misplacing etc. and then she fights with my father. My brother and I have tried to tell him not to argue with her, that the best thing to say is yes I'm sorry or just your right, but he I don't know what it is. No matter how much we tell him that he still argues and the it gets physical. She hits at him and he grabs her arms or pushes her to protect himself. She now claims he hits her, chokes her etc. I just feel sick.
Growing up my parents never had a violent relationship. I don't ever remember my father putting his hands on her. And, he swears that he does not hit her and that she is just making this stuff up and that it's her that hits him.
I have never gone through an experience with an alzeimers patient and this is just killing me. I don't know what to believe or who to believe and tonight my dad called a crisis center because he could not deal with it anymore. They sent out two people from the hospital two evaluate her and they came with two police men. They determined that she should go to the psych hospital to have her meds evaluated etc. She sobbed that she didnt' want to got and by law she had to go. There was nothing I could do.
I'm so angry at my father. We are - I am a private person and truthfully I cannot believe I'm on her writing this. I'm just so sick right now. I really feel that he should have let us all handle this privately as I offered so many times to get them whateve their insurance would cover which would have been a nurse to come a few times a week to evaluate her meds, and a home maker to come two hours a day to help out and let him get out. He always refused etc. and now he calls crisis and has police come and an ambulance to take my mom. I just cannot talk to him right now. I am so angry.
Is there any YT'ers her that have a family member with Alzeimer's that may be able to tell me if they do make things up such as abuse, or people hiding things on them etc. I know every one is different but she knows my name, she knows her family etc. so it can't be late stages I don't think, yet when I read about the paranoia and the hiding things etc. it says late stages.
I'm so confused.
Thanks.
Elaine |
Elaine, I lost my father a few years ago to Alzhiemer's. it was terrible and I went thru the same things you are going thru. His got worse after my mother passed away. I am an only child and took care of him as long as I could. it finally came to the point that he was fighting me and hitting me and even had a gun in the house that he would shoot things with because he thought it was people in his home. I HAD to take him to the nursing home that specialized in Alzhiemer's care. No matter what stigma is attached to Nursing Homes, there are some wonderful ones equipped to handle these type patients. Have you looked into this? My opinion is that trying to care for her will shorten your dad's life too. Please don't be mad at your father. he did all he knew to do and it is very frustrating. I went thru it for about five years. I grieved myself to death almost when the day came that my dad no longer knew who I was. I am going out today for awhile but if you want to talk, send me a pm. I will give you my phone number.