Oh Elaine, my heart goes out to you. Although I don't have experience with Alzheimers, I do have elderly parents who are 80. Has your mom been formally diagnosed? My mom has been in and out of the hospital for the past year and has been in the nursing home since December. Several times during that time, she has become paranoid and confused. With elderly, any changes in medications or surroundings can set off dementia episodes that do not necessarily have to be Alzheimers.
Our decision to place mom in a nursing home (in addition to the doctors order of rehab for strengthening) was as much for my dad as my mom. Before that, we did have nurses aides coming to the home a couple times a week (they didn't want more time than that), but it got to the point it was just too much for my dad to take. My mom has been given very little time, but she has rebounded and has been doing pretty well lately. We tried to feel Dad out to see if we could bring her home, but he just can't handle it all on his own.
What's really hard is to see your folks change with age. Some of it is medical; some of it is emotional in response to the other changes; some is dementia; some is depression. I just feel so ill-equipped to deal with all of this. For some reason, I thought my folks would either live forever or never change until the day they died. It is so hard to support both parents who have
very different needs.
Try not to be too hard on your dad. He's been the one living there and while we try, we really have a hard time imagining what living with someone who is difficult to live with is really like. Plus, his own "resolve" isn't what it used to be when he was younger and things were easier. My dad - a complete ROCK all his life - has fallen apart more times in the last year that his entire life.
Hugs to you - we're too young to be dealing with this.
